No Longer Estranged
by Ggal
Summary: This is the story of two people who have been emotionally and mentally cut off from the world around them. They have been estranged from emotions until these eyes meet up again. What will happen? LJ rated R for later chapters
1. Nowhere in sight

This is the story of two people who have been emotionally and mentally cut off from the world around them. They have been estranged from emotions until these eyes meet up again. What will happen? L/J R for later chapters

Disclaimer: I own no characters, places, ideas, or plots created by Miss Rowling.

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No longer Estranged chp 1

"Language has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone, and the word solitude to express the glory of being alone." 

-Tillich, Paul

It was snowing out once she was ready to leave. She loved the snow, in all it's white flurries and romantic enchantments. It somehow reminded her of her childhood. When Petunia was still her friend, and her parents were still alive. When the threat of killer wasn't hanging in the air or underneath conversations and emotions. But it was there, and Lily Evans could do was live form day to day hoping for the to rise.

The café was considerably crowded, even though it was the middle of the afternoon. When caffenated drinks were useless or already instilled in ones system. Lily liked this café; it was cozy and didn't bring on a sense of business-like hostility that large tycoon chains have.

She saw Caroline and Lisa sitting at their regular table, all the way in the back near the fireplace. Caroline and Lisa were both a year younger than Lily and much more naïve than her, on certain levels. She always felt like a more wholesome, pure person when she was around the two young ladies. They sometimes brought out the best in Lily, and usually made her forget about some regretful things she'd done. Until they asked her about them of course.

"Lily!" Caroline called (thinking maybe she hadn't seen where they were sitting, even though this had been their regular table for the past year)

"Good Afternoon girls." Lily said as she schlepped her heavy coat off and gave each a kiss on the cheek hello.

"We thought you weren't going to show Lily…" Lisa commented in her low husky voice. It sometimes amazed Lily that Lisa didn't have any boyfriend or prospects that she felt were good enough for herself. She was a beautiful girl, with every attraction a man could want. But over the length of time Lily had gotten to know Lisa, she learned that her attention span for any male specimen who approached her was usually cut short by the plain fact that she knew, she could do better.

"Oh you know me, I strive for the unexpected in life." A young waitress bearing a friendly smile approached Lily, cooperatively taking her order and filling it, as the girls had already received their vanilla chai and frothy cappuccino's.

"So how was your date Caroline?" Lisa asked, flipping her long golden hair over her shoulder, attracting the attention of a few testosterones driven gazes.

"It was lovely. First frank and I went to see a muggle movie, about these hippies who were oddly obsessed with hair…that was quite strange I must admit." Lily snickered at the thought of Caroline going to see the drug and peace induced movie "but then he took me to the most Romantic Restaurant where-"

"Did he pay for everything?" Lisa interjected trying to sum up the poor guy

"No Lisa, we washed dishes because it was cheaper. Of course he paid! Anyway…"

Lily's mind drifted away from the all too mindless familiar conversation. As much as she loved the girls and enjoyed their company, she was tired of having the same superficial conversations about the same types of guys. She didn't even want to talk about guys. She wanted to talk about what was happening out in the world. Of politics, of art, of work, of anything to get themselves out of their old childish habits. Lily watched the people passing by the large glass windows. So many of these happy people had no idea what was going on right in front of their faces. They didn't know that a war was raging behind their backs, just waiting to jump out and ruin their lives. Caroline and Lisa hadn't noticed Lily's attention wane, as it usually had been doing these past days. So Lily quietly got up with her cup and went to the stand in the front of the store where they had stirrers and sugar packets. She just wanted to get a closer look at the passer-byes.

She saw many. A couple families, a few single striders, some romantic couples, and other various groups of people walked by. But one group of people in particular had caught her eye. It was a group of men who seemed to be either her age or a little older, there were four of them. They walked as if they knew what was happening, and that they couldn't give a shit.

The two in the front seemed to be talking heatedly about something. One was quite a short lanky man, with thinning blonde hair and watery blue eyes. The second definitely needed a good night's rest, as the circles under his gray eyes were quite defining. But he did have a kind face, he was about 6 foot with sandy blonde hair and small, but distinct freckles splashed across his face. The two in the back could have easily been brothers. They were both tall with what seemed like lean, hard bodies underneath all the clothing. One had shoulder-length black hair and deep black eyes. The other wore small round glasses that hid brown eyes, and had short uncontrolable hair that went in every direction.

But then something happened Lily did not expect, and certainly wasn't prepared for. The man closest to her with the glasses, turned to the window, and looked right into Lily's eyes as if he knew her.

Lily felt her body for rigid with emotion and uncensored desire. Her hear-beat hastened its rhythmic beating and turned into a screaming race for satisfaction. This handsome man with one look had brought Lily's deepest yearnings and desires into plain view. She never felt like this with anyone before, especially not just a short glance.

As he walked by he kept his eye contact with her. Forbidden images of his body and her stoked her mind. Wanting to take those layers of clothes off him and hold him until the end of eternity. She felt the need to touch him, to fill him with pleasure, to know every part of his body, to-

"Lily, what are you doing?"

Lily was snapped out of her unnatural fantasies, and was brought back to earth by Caroline's curious voice.

"Oh…um…I needed some sugar is all" she looked out the window one last time, trying desperately to find the mysterious man once more.

"Have you your sugar?" Caroline asked tugging Lily from the window and back towards their cozy table. Where Lisa was waiting with an impatient look on her face.

"Are you two done yet?" Lily nodded at Lisa, grabbing her jacket and purse knowing what was to come next.

"OK, I need to go to Gringotts and get some money out of my account!" Lisa pulled on her large fur winter coat and matching gloves.

"Cassandra, you don't have an account…" Lily started, as she whipped her scarf around her small neck

"No…but that cheating bastard of a boyfriend does!"

"OK, and then we can go to Florean and Fortescues and-"

"Caroline, it's the middle of the winter. I don't know how you can stand having ice cream when it's bloody below 7 celcius out there! After Lisa steels her illicit boyfriends' money, why don't we just have a drink at the Leaky Cauldron or something? Or at least do something that involves sitting in doors!" Lily pleaded. She couldn't stand for Caroline's silly girlish needs to 'scout for boys' today, especially not with the lingering feeling of that mysterious man in her body.

"Oh fine. But you know how I hate that place. It's so stinky and all the ugliest men or ghouls go to sit in that place." She huffed, walking out of the café and pulling her coat closer to her.

Lily sighed relief "yes, I know. You only complain about it whenever we go in there."

"Well I have every right to complain. To absolutely horrid, no self-respecting person would actually take a room there anyway, so why do they have those rooms upstairs for people to board in?"

Lily folded her arms in a silent defense. In her sixth year during Christmas holiday, her parents had died and her house totaled giving her no place to sleep. So she waved down the night bus and headed off to London, taking a room at the Leaky Cauldron for the rest of the week. Or until a member of the ministry had come looking for the muggle-born child who lost her parents and everything she had ever known. She didn't quite remember the happenings of that week. All she knew was she came home to find everything she ever owned gone, everyone she ever loved, dead, and absolutely nothing to put a penny to her name. Except a small account at Gringotts.

"I suppose the non self-respecting-"

"Shutup you guys. You can't judge a person by what type of room they sleep in!" Lily interrupted. Earning a huff from Lisa

The rest of the short walk was continued in an awkward silence. Lisa and Caroline knew lily well enough to not speak during one these moods she had, where nothing they said was right or fair. They reached the Leaky cauldron within ten minutes, each ordering a warm butterbeer and taking it into the streets with them. As promised, they stopped off at Gringotts and stole some of Lisa's ex-boyfriends' money. 

Before they knew it, it was well into the afternoon and much shopping on 'john's' expense had been accomplished. Lily was just inside Madame Maulkin's when a large explosion shook the entire shop.

Lily turned her head to see what the commotion was. Herds of people seemed to be running out of stores and onto the streets, they were either dissaparating in a hurry or grabbing their children and running for the exit through the Leaky Cauldron. Wanting to get a more lucid view of the hubbub, she pushed her way towards the center square, where most of the people had been running from. There seemed to be a thin mist of a deep red smoke, the probability that the smoke was harmless seemed slim to none. But her curiosity rendered stronger than her common sense at the moment. She took a deep breath, plugged her nose and stepped into the sea of red smog.

For the first 10 seconds everything seemed normal, that is until she tripped over a large chunk of something. Her eyes flickered down to the body for a millisecond before returning to their previous vision of destination. Then it registered in her brain…a body…a body had been lying on the floor, and she had just walked by it like it was an everyday illusion. Desperate to move on through the fog, but knowing that her conscience would never let, leaving a body UN-checked and unaccounted for would haunt her for quite a while. She decided to turn back around to make sure the person was still alive, or at least that they would be identified if this particular gas had indeed been poisonous. Turning on her heel, she prepared herself for the depressing vision of a child or woman, or man just strewn on the ground in utter helplessness.

But what she saw she wasn't prepared for. A pair of pants, leather coat tight on a tall hard body, strong neck, lips, and eyes. Eyes with glasses on them. Those beautiful, bone chilling, frozen brown eyes. Her heart started to race again, the same intense feelings from back in the café rushed through her already tense body. The stupor that was brought on by this onslaught of emotions, also the lack of oxygen pushed her to release her hand from her face and gasp in the red smoke. The impact it had on her, and so quickly, was amazing. She actually felt the septic smog shoot down her throat and into her lungs, it felt as if she had just swallowed a hundred formidable cement bricks. Thoughts crept into her mind, all she wanted to do was collapse, all she needed to do was have her head rest on the floor, anything would feel better than standing in this awkward position. But something was holding her up. Something with strong arms clad in leather and bone chilling, blank, brown eyes. 

*****

He had seen her at the café. He had seen her, stupidly walk through the poisonous gas that resonated through Diagon Alley. He remembered her from Hogwarts, always walking around with her nose stuck in the air. Yes, he had graduated two years before her. But that didn't stop him from noticing her, and her prissy little friends. Always chatting about some mindless matter: what they had received on an exam, what boy was currently the cutest and most available, how this dress or that shirt made them look fat. Typical snobbish girl discussion that James Potter had always looked down upon. 

James Potter. Quiditch Captain for two years straight, prefects, Head Boy, top of his graduating class, also top of the school. Mischief-maker, and infamous prankster. Yet, to himself the most UN-accomplished young man on the planet and history of this earth. None of this mattered; those superficial accomplishments were just vain attempts to be recognized. He was noticed, he was fancied by many a young girl, he had many a young girl. But nothing worked, nothing mattered.

Going through the motions had become a habitual routine for James these past few years. As more days pass, the more he feels that his life is going on without him. The world was one big blur that he had been stuck in the middle of by accident. He was either to big to fit into this small spot of earth, or too little to even give a shit about. Either way, he was miserable.

James had three close friends. Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. At hogwarts they titled themselves 'The Marauders'. Hogwarts infamous mischief-makers, and prankster extraordanaires. You would have looked upon the marauders one of two ways. One being that you despised them greatly for the pranks they pulled, and felt that their talents shouldn't be wasted on the next blown up toilet seat, but the next class or exam. Two was that you desperately, had to be friends with them, or date them. This information usually got to ones head and it did. By fifth year James' ego was so inflated you could have popped it with a toothbrush.

All until one day after his O.W.L.'s, a small 3rd year Gryffindor red head had shot him down. He taunted her right back, fooling with her, and playfully asking her out. She denied. Not only the facts that Lily had denied him, but the fact that she stood up to him, and held her ground being brutally and utterly honest surprised James. He liked it, he liked being challenged for once, instead of someone yelling a comment out and backing down form it instantly. From that day on he made a point to observe Lily Evans from a distance. She was a normal dim-witted girl around her friends. Laughing and complying with all their conversations, and moronic thoughts. But behind the façade that she put on so well, he saw in her eyes a longing for something more. More knowledge, more experience. Anything to take her away from the constraints and normality of everyday life. He knew this look, for he often wore it himself.

He saw this look again for a fleeting moment as he had passed by the café. It had been as odd a moment for him as it was for her. He had never felt his heart beat at such a painful pace, nor had he ever felt so self-conscience of what he looked like at that particular moment. And the thoughts that had pushed their way to the front of his mind would never be revealed to anyone or living thing in that space of time. Even though, his attraction for that moment had been evidently directed towards her, and even though he had been thoroughly interested in Lily Evans at Hogwarts. James couldn't help but feel a lack of respect for a girl who would willingly contain her emotions from her friends, and go on putting an act for the world as if everything was just fine and dandy. 

For lack of anything better to do that day, James and the 'Marauders" felt the need to stock up on the latest Quiditch supplies. That was what had placed them in Diagon Alley in the first place. James had been in Quality Quiditch Supplies when the explosion had been set off, his auror training kicking in he flew out the door, wand in hand, and went to see if it was indeed an attack. Thankfully, he hadn't seen any Death Eaters or signs of disputes. Only large masses of people fleeing out of near-by stores and heading for the near exit. He was about to floo to the ministry to notify them of what had happened when he saw her. 

The mid length curly red hair, the slender mysterious body, the innocence that could have easily been mistaken for stupidity, and those eyes. Those beautiful, sad, emerald green eyes. James didn't know what came over him, but the moment her saw her enter that gas, every thought and emotion was replaced with one think in mind. Get Lily out of the smoke and into his arms. He succeeded. 

There he was, standing there, holding his breath for dear life, and praying to whom knows what god that he wouldn't drop the precious doll in his arms. With careful handling and skillful moves, Lily had been fixed so that one of his arms were draped under her knees, and the other around her back. Fortunately she was still conscience enough to hold onto him and not just hand limply like a dead rag.

He apparated away as quickly as possible to his flat in a secluded part of the outskirts of Dublin. Why he hadn't gone back to his flat that he shared with Sirius, he didn't know. Common Sense had ebbed away in the madness and rush of emotions; one didn't have time to think sensibly when a beautiful young lady was strewn over their arms helplessly. 

He placed her on his rather large love seat and covered her with soft wool blanket. This apartment was usually cold in the wintertime; he always kept extra blankets lying around the place. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know whether to wake her and ask if she needed to be anywhere, or if he should owl Sirius or Remus. The only thing he did know was that the gas hadn't been harmful. He recognized it as Sonamos, a powerful sleeping potion that when smashed against a hard surface, or mixed with fire, a gas powerful enough to put you to sleep for a hundred years would be formed.

He decided to just let her sleep through the night and let her wake herself up with morning cold. Or maybe the smell of a warm breakfast could bring her back to life. The only certain fact that stood within miles between the two misfortuned young people was that James knew he wouldn't be getting to sleep any time soon.

A/N: OK New…odd story…very odd. I know it's short but this chapter is basically for introduction purposes only. I promise I have a point and it shall be a good one. Please..keep reading as I keep updating. I really don't mind if you review or not as I intend to finish this story with or without them. But I would appreciate it…so please Review. Thank you very much.

Disclaimer: I own no characters, places, ideas, or plots created by Miss Rowling. 

Pain is a very distinct feeling. It clouds ones mind, makes the room spin and most importantly, causes a head ache the size of France. This of course, was the feeling swimming through Lily's lungs and head as her eyes flickered open the following morning. Raising her hand to shield her eyes from the sun, she slowly raised herself from her crumpled up position. A soft wool blanket had fallen down from her chest, she eyed it carefully.

'I don't have a blanket like this…' she thought to herself. In fact she didn't have any furniture that was furbished in black and gray. As was the love seat that she currently was situated upon. Taking a deep breath, and raising her head as slow as possible, and trying desperatley not to make any sudden movements, for she was quite positive that rush of extreme pain would be experienced. She took a look around the unfamiliar room. It was a modern day flat, with muggle appliances and new found gadget type furniture. Standing up carefully, she trudged across the room to the fireplace where on the mantle she could see frames with pictures in them. 

The pictures were moving. Whoever owned this apartment was magical, which in a way was a good thing. It was good thing for the fact that they probably had floo-powder lying around somewhere, so she could just floo back home when her head ache had receaded. Chancing apparating didn't seem like the smartest thing to do at a time when she couldn't even see ten feet in front of her. She started looking for floo-powder to hide in the pocket of her large jacket, which had been taken off her at some point and laid on a near-by chair. If this person whoever they were, turned out to be hostile in any way, she would be able to just chuck the powder into the fireplace and dart out of there. Her plan seemed reasonably sound, except for one small detail.

Lily couldn't remember where home was. She felt the panic start to break into her sedated state as her blood came rushing to her head. Where was she? What had happened? How did she end up here…who was she? For the love of her, she couldn't remember her own name. If you had been in that room at that moment, and named any charm, event, or potion having to do with magic she would be able to spell it out for you in detail, and then go into a full-fledged demonstration. If you asked her who had starred in "Gone with the Wind" surely Vivian Leigh were the first words to be uttered out of her mouth. But if you asked her what her name was, or how long she had had a certain scar, only silence would penetrate the room.

She grabbed some floo-powder and shoved it into her jacket pocket, while the other hand searched the other pocket for any possible signs of her wand. Finally reaching the inside left pocket she found it, hidden safely away from any muggle prying eyes. She decided to put on the coat so the flat's occupant couldn't see or take away her wand from her. A clatter from the next room resonated through the flat. Her heart was beating so fast at this point that it could be heard in Timbuktu. 

"Oh bloody hell." She heard a man's voice getting louder, footsteps. He was coming into the room, probably to check on her. Probably to check if his hostage was still wonderfully Un-conscience and ready for raping or chopping up are whatever this pervert wanted to do to her. Why else would he have just let her sleep though out the night, if he hadn't wanted something from her? Why didn't he just wake her and send her home to her mummy safe and sound? Why? Because he was probably some old retired priest who molested younger children, and scarred them for the rest of their life. Forever cutting them off emotionally from the rest of the world and molding their futures into hazardaous waste lands of depression and insecurity. Only a true psycho could be that corrupt.

The door swung open and her perverted child molester entered the room. Her shirtless, muscular, handsome young man of a perverted child molester entered the room. Something about the way he carried himself told her that he wasn't the retired priest type. He wasn't a threat, he wouldn't hurt her…hopefully. She probably had an alarming look on her face, for the moment he caught eyes with her, he darted them from the previously occupied love seat to the fireplace, and then back to her. He sighed relief.

James had come into the sitting room to see if she had woken or not 


	2. I'm lying but your here

This is the story of two people who have been emotionally and mentally cut off from the world around them. They have been estranged from emotions until these eyes meet up again. What will happen? L/J R for later chapters

Disclaimer: I own no characters, places, ideas, or plots created by Miss Rowling.

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No Longer Estranged Chp2

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Things do not change. We change.

-Henry David Thoreau

Pain is a very distinct feeling. It clouds ones mind; makes the room spin and most importantly, causes a head ache the size of France. This of course, was the feeling swimming through Lily's lungs and head as her eyes flickered open the following morning. Raising her hand to shield her eyes from the sun, she slowly raised herself from her crumpled up position. A soft wool blanket had fallen down from her chest, she eyed it carefully.

'I don't have a blanket like this…' she thought to herself. In fact she didn't have any furniture that was furbished in black and gray. As was the love seat that she currently was situated upon. Taking a deep breath, and raising her head as slow as possible, and trying desperately not to make any sudden movements, for she was quite positive that rush of extreme pain would be experienced. She took a look around the unfamiliar room. It was a modern day flat, with muggle appliances and newfound gadget type furniture. Standing up carefully, she trudged across the room to the fireplace where on the mantle she could see frames with pictures in them. 

The pictures were moving. Whoever owned this apartment was magical, which in a way was a good thing. It was good thing for the fact that they probably had floo-powder lying around somewhere, so she could just floo back home when her headache had receded. Chancing apparating didn't seem like the smartest thing to do at a time when she couldn't even see ten feet in front of her. She started looking for floo-powder to hide in the pocket of her large jacket, which had been taken off her at some point and laid on a near-by chair. If this person whoever they were, turned out to be hostile in any way, she would be able to just chuck the powder into the fireplace and dart out of there. Her plan seemed reasonably sound, except for one small detail.

Lily couldn't remember where home was. She felt the panic start to break into her sedated state as her blood came rushing to her head. Where was she? What had happened? How did she end up here…who was she? For the love of her, she couldn't remember her own name. If you had been in that room at that moment, and named any charm, event, or potion having to do with magic she would be able to spell it out for you in detail, and then go into a full-fledged demonstration. If you asked her who had starred in "Gone with the Wind" surely Vivian Leigh were the first words to be uttered out of her mouth. But if you asked her what her name was, or how long she had had a certain scar, only silence would penetrate the room.

She grabbed some floo-powder and shoved it into her jacket pocket, while the other hand searched the other pocket for any possible signs of her wand. Finally reaching the inside left pocket she found it, hidden safely away from any muggle prying eyes. She decided to put on the coat so the flat's occupant couldn't see or take away her wand from her. A clatter from the next room resonated through the flat. Her heart was beating so fast at this point that it could be heard in Timbuktu. 

"Oh bloody hell." She heard a man's voice getting louder, footsteps. He was coming into the room, probably to check on her. Probably to check if his hostage was still wonderfully UN-conscience and ready for raping or chopping up are whatever this pervert wanted to do to her. Why else would he have just let her sleep though out the night, if he hadn't wanted something from her? Why didn't he just wake her and send her home to her mummy safe and sound? Why? Because he was probably some old retired priest who molested younger children, and scarred them for the rest of their life. Forever cutting them off emotionally from the rest of the world and molding their futures into hazardous waste lands of depression and insecurity. Only a true psycho could be that corrupt.

The door swung open and her perverted child molester entered the room. Her shirtless, muscular, handsome young man of a perverted child molester entered the room. Something about the way he carried himself told her that he wasn't the retired priest type. He wasn't a threat; he wouldn't hurt her…hopefully. She probably had an alarming look on her face, for the moment he caught eyes with her; he darted them from the previously occupied love seat to the fireplace, and then back to her. He sighed relief.

James had come into the sitting room to see if she had woken or not and wanted a mug of tea or coffee if she had. Or maybe even a good shot of tequila. But when he entered, the look on her face was so full of fear and panic that he thought Voldemort himself had been by for some tea and murder. Then it hit him. She didn't know where she was, she didn't know who he was, and probably wanted to get back to her normal life as soon as possible. How he envied her, to have a normal life would be a blessing. They had been standing in awkward silence for quite some time now, Lily was too petrified of what he might do to speak, so James felt the burden of starting the conversation fall on his shoulders.

"Hello…" he said softly, she had looked so tense that he thought if any loud noise was to invade the silence she would literally, jump out of her skin.

"Hello…" She replied keeping her hands in her pockets. One hand clamped around the floo powder, the other her wand.

"Would you…like to…sit down?" he hesitated not knowing how to start. Her slight movement of shaking her head no just made the situation seem more uncomfortable.

"Would you like some coffee? Or tea, I have tea…?" she shook her head no again.

He sighed getting tired of the little game "Listen I'm not going to hurt you or molest you, or whatever you might think. Just please take your jacket off and sit down…" she hesitated not wanting to be so quick to trusting this man

"Oh and you can forget about using the floo-powder, the network is down because of the attack yesterday."

She gasped a little trying to see how he could have possible known she had taken floo powder. He was in another room, as in not in the same viewing vicinity as she had been these past ten minutes. She hesitated yet again; debating whether to just keep standing and hope that apparating away wouldn't have to become an option. She chose to sit, but with her wand at the ready. James sighed in victory as he finally got her to take a seat. He shortly retreated into the next room and came back holding two cups of steaming hot coffee.

"Here, I'm sure your brain could use some waking up after that ordeal yesterday." What ordeal was he talking of?

"Ordeal?" she whispered

"Yes, you know. The attack…"it didn't register "On Diagon alley…" still nothing "the gas, the Sonamos…"

She didn't remember…how could she not remember the explosion? And voluntarily going through the gas, for some unknown ridiculous reason. The odd thing was that she didn't seem to recognize him. Surely she had recognized him back at the café, and in the actual smog for that brief period of time. He remembered how her body had gone stringent when she had laid eyes on him, how her bright green eyes never left his chocolate ones. But now her actions were quite different, her body was in a crumpled mess. As if she was protecting herself from getting eaten alive by lions, or some other genre of wild animal. Her eyes kept darting from place to place, the window, the door, the fireplace. Anywhere that could be a means of escape.

"Lily…" she started at the name

"What did you call me?" her eyes locked with his finally.

"Lily, that is your name isn't it?" her eyes seemed to pierce right through him, know his every thought, every wish, and every intimate desire that was currently falling down south.

"I suppose so…"

"You suppose so? What do you-"

"I mean I suppose that's my name because I can't bloody remember what it is! I can't remember what happened yesterday the day before or even hours ago." Lily had jumped up in frustration and pointed her wand at James, not meaning to seem threatening but coming off like a bull who saw red. "I'm so confused, I don't where I am, I **_certainly_** don't know who **_you_** are, everywhere I look all I see is a lamp or a picture with unfamiliar faces. I can't-" her voice caught in her throat as hot tears stung her vehement glaring eyes. Weakness took her body. Suddenly everything around her seemed to blur, and all she saw in front of her were her two hands. Her two, unfamiliar, front hands. She studied them for a moment, following the tears that slid down them. There was a scar on the knuckle of her left hand; its shape resembled a dragonfly, or some sort of long bug with wings. She closed her eyes feeling more tears pressured out of them, and tried to remember how it happened. She tried to picture herself as a little girl…but she couldn't…what did she look like as a little girl? 

"I-I can't. I can't remember…" she looked up at James, pleading with the paltry, quiet sound of her voice. Silently begging him to return her memories, as if he had taken them. As if he had the power to return them. 

Once he recovered from the shock of this spontaneous emotional outburst, James made a mental note to do some research on the gas, Sonamos. As he sat there, watching her disposition change from utter terror, to calm, to extreme exasperated anger, and finally; defeat. She was a godforsaken creature with nowhere to go. And James wanted to keep her. He just wanted to take her in his arms and never let her go. The most important thing in the world at that moment was to let her cry her pain away.

But something stopped him from wrapping her in his arms and keeping her. The fact was that, she had a life somewhere. She had friends, family, and who knows maybe even a relationship with a certain someone. He knew that keeping her here could be the worst thing to ever do to anybody, especially when this anybody didn't have any perception to who she was. 

What if she stayed here for just a few days? He could easily say that she just needed time to adjust, and rest from this ordeal. But of course she'd ask questions…she'll want to know who she is and where's come from. She'll want to know who he is. What will he tell her? 'Oh I'm just the arrogant prick from school that you so ardently despised and distrusted. Oh and did I mention that I've been lying to you this whole time? I know where you live but my curiosity and stubborn emotions decided to have you hang around for a few more days. I hope you don't mind my ruining your life!' the theory didn't sound to convincing. 

"Please…" her voice brought him back to the world "Please help me. You must know something-" her voice broke down again to helplessness and tears. This time James refused to let her sit there, wallowing alone in her pain.

He gently placed his hand under chin and lifted the forlorn face to his eyes. Tear streaks were covering her face, and her lip was trembling from the vitality of adrenaline running through her body.

"Your name" he whispered softly "Is Lily Evans, and I'm James. James Potter." The look of gratitude on her face filled James' heart with joy. No words of thanks could be expressed by this sudden understanding between them. All Lily knew to do was fling her arms around him and cry until she had no tears left.

It was some time later that James realized he was freezing cold, shirtless, and soaking wet with Lily's tears. Her crying had subsided a bit, but every now and then you could hear sniffling or short whimpers. 

Lily liked this feeling. Being in this man-James. His name was James. She liked being in James'' arms and running her fingers down his bare chest. Then it hit her, she had just been crying on a man she didn't know, didn't trust and with no shirt on none-the-less! James was quite startled when she jumped back from him with an alarmed look on her face again. It was the look that told you to stay away or enter at your own risk, and being that she still held her wand in one of her hands, James felt that any sudden movements would set her off.

So he got up slowly and crossed to the store closet, where he kept some extra sweatshirts and jackets. He pulled on an old Quiditch shirt that was labeled 'The Chaser' over his right breast in small golden letters, against a brick red background. These were the colors of his house back at Hogwarts. They were also Lily's house colors, for she had been in Gryffindor along with James. Did she remember that?

Lily sat back down on the love seat she had awoken upon, and pulled the wool blanket around her for comfort. So many questions were coursing through her head at the moment. Who really was this man? He knew who she was, but did he know anything else about her, about her past? How did she get in this flat? She felt obligated to commence this conversation first as he had began the last one.

"Thank you." She looked up at James gratefully, but cautiously "I appreciated that more than you know."

"No need for a thank you. I can only imagine what must be going through your head right about now." He sat down on a large black armchair across from her so that he could get a good look at the expressions on her face.

She tried to give him a small smile of thanks, but all she was able to achieve was an odd cross between a lopsided grin and a fish face. 

"Well, mostly just questions." James' countenance became rigid at this little hint. He didn't urge it on even though he knew there was no stopping her from asking the questions. What would he say?

"Such as…" she found it odd he hadn't replied, so she continued "As who am I?"

"I told you that one already. Your Lily Evans." He said matter-of–factly trying to discern any real answer from the next

"Yes I comprehended that quite well. But my question was directed more along the lines of who was I? What were my achievements, my interests, and my friends? Where's my family? How did I get here? And what ordeal were you speaking of not half a moment ago. And-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa half a moment. Please, I can't answer a million questions at once. I'm not that amazing…" Lily was taken aback by the arrogance in the comment. But then again maybe he was just joking, and trying to liven up the conversation.

"Sorry…I'm just a touch high strung at the moment."

"Well memory loss will do that to you…" she gave him a look that would have cooled off a moose at mating season

"If you don't mind I would greatly appreciate it if you could cut back on the sarcastic responses."

James opened his mouth to probably let out another asinine comment, but Lily didn't have the strength or will power to hold back her temper again if it came to that.

"Who am I?" she interrupted him "As in, what are my interests? Who are my parents? Where do I live? H-" she'd gone over this question in her head and realized how horribly worthless it sounded. But one usually would like to know how old one is. "How old am I?" her voice was down to whisper once more, and James softened his countenance

"Your 23 years old. I'm not positive when your birthday is, but I'm pretty confident it's some time in May." Just seeing her sit there, drowning in her own self-pity was paltry enough. But to have her regard of him be ruined by some smart-ass comments he just needed to get across, it wasn't worth it. So he decided to help her out…a little.

"We…went to school together, it's how you know me. We weren't close friends more like just acquaintances." He tried to stay off the subject that she thought he was a prat back in Hogwarts.

"Oh…then how did I get here, if we're only acquaintances?" Lily tried to hide the disappointment in her voice at the new discovery; something at the back of her heart wanted to know James more than herself.

"W-well, I was-you see you and I ere suppose to-." He couldn't bring himself to say it. He dreaded this moment, for after it everything would either be the truth and letting her go back into the world, to her friends, to her life. But she didn't belong there; she belonged here…with him. Yet, if he told her that she was suppose to come here, or some other far-fetched fallacy…that's exactly what it would be. A lie. And someone is bound to come looking for her eventually, they couldn't stay in Dublin forever. James had a job to go back to, and most probably so did Lily. 

James stood up and walked slowly over to Lily, not wanting to alarm her in anyway. His hand found it's way to hers as he sat down with a set look on his face.

"You've been having some trouble back at home Lily, with your friends. And we ran into eachother about a week ago, and we got to talking. About school, and what we were doing now, and after a few drinks you started to tell me about how you felt you needed more than what you had. That you felt estranged from the world, from your friends. Every joke seemed distant, every…memory. Nothing is the same as it was when we were carefree and back Hogwarts." James caught himself treading over dangerous waters. Not only was he completely lying to her, but also he was expressing his thoughts and feelings instead of imagining her own. "Anyway, I offered for you to stay with me for awhile, and you said yes."

" Did I really say all those things? About feeling caught off from the world?" she couldn't believe that her life was at such a stand-still, that none of her friends understood her way of thinking and what she looked for in her existence on this earth. Why did everything just have to crumble?

"You said them through just a look, you wore your emotions out on your sleeve and I took you in." James whispered

"Well, something doesn't make sense. What about my parents? Why wouldn't I just go there instead of to someone's home that I hardly know? And if I were to stay here for what I presume would be discernible amount of time, where are my clothes? My belongings…don't I have any?" 

An unfamiliar feeling in his stomach shot through James' veins and started to wind in and out of his mind and through his rapidly beating heart. His free hand traced a smooth, gentle line from her burning eyes to her soft lips, and settled itself on the nape of her neck.

"Lily, this is going to be hard for you to hear but-"

"Their dead. My parents are dead aren't they?" James nodded solemnly "Was it Voldemort?"

"Wait, you can't remember your name but you remember Voldemort?"

She nodded taking his hand from her neck regrettably and squeezing it in reassurance. "I remember select things. Like all the professors at Hogwarts. I remember the number of NEWT's I received and every potion and charm work I ever learned. But…"

"But not how old you were…do you want to take a little brake?" James suggested not wanting to lie to her anymore than he had to. "I mean we've been discussing this for a while now and you seem pretty tired."

She smiled "A shower would be nice right about now actually…but…where are my clothes?"

He sighed realizing he'd have to lie to her a bit more to keep her with him and in a trusting state of mind, no matter how cliché that was.

"We were suppose to meet yesterday, but there was an attack on the place we were to meet. I found you there, without any parcels and I brought you here, to my flat in Dublin. For now I can give you a pair of sweats to wear and a T-shirt, but sooner or later we're going to have to go into the city and buy you some clothes."

"But I don't have any money…"

"Don't be daft of course I'm going to pay for your clothes. What did you think I'd do, have you begging on the street for money? She gave him a pathetic laugh to show that she had some emotion other than anger and misery.

"Thank you." they stood up still holding each other's hands tightly, not wanting the moment to pass. Her eyes were locked with his as the now familiar feeling of desire channeled throughout her body. Tickling her mind and senses, sending chills down her spine. Desperately trying to regain composure she closed her eyes tightly and pulled away from James stubbornly. She felt him shift uncomfortably within the presence of her newfound determination.

James pulled himself from the imaginary world where a relationship between them was possible. He walked off the the store closet and pulled out a sweatshirt, sweatpants, and a T-shirt and sent her off to the shower in hurry before his mania for her became too strong to with hold. 

He was a horrible person for doing this to a sweet innocent girl. She had done nothing to him, gave him no reason to toy, and play with her life but he did it anyway. And all for a reason and inclination he couldn't explain. That feeling that traveled through his system and called him to her side. He racked his brain and tried to remember what the feeling of her in his bare arms felt like. And the feeling of his flesh on her smooth, flawless skin.

Whether lying to her had been the right choice to make was still a question of doubt in his mind. All he knew was there was a beautiful, mysterious girl, naked and wet not twenty feet away from him, who had put her complete trust and emotional status in his hands…and had been deceived.

A/N: Hello again. I must say…WOW to the response I got for this story, I honestly didn't think it was that big of a deal. More like a whim I got from a few experiences in my short lifetime. I can't promise that I'll be updating often, because I really want to concentrate on this story, and put everything into it. I just want to say thank you to a few people before I go so… R&R please. I really appreciate everybody's support. I really hope you like this certain turn of events.

Shabs: I'm glad you like the way I write, my English professors certainly think it isn't adequate. I hope you keep reading and like the way the story had turned. Thanks.

TABS08: ::grins:: that one word means a lot. Thanks for it!

Mermermer: Thank you for thinking it's great. I really hope you liked this chapter as much as the last one.

Chikadee Potter: I have to admit, I'm an older guy kind of gal myself. Thanks for putting my on your favorites list, I'll definitely keep updating…keep your eyes open.

Alya: Thank you, I hope you keep reading the story, it means a lot to me!

kat6528: Thanks. I really hope you liked how this chapter turned out!

Me: Thank you and I'll try to update as often as possible

sirius' lover: that thought never crossed my mind. Lily doesn't hate james, but she does have an underlying attraction for him that certainly is requited! Their relationship has many stages to go through before anyone says the "L" word. I've read in many fics where Lily and James fall in love within two chapters of meeting for each other, I couldn't think of that happening in any situation in life. Thank you for your reviews and opinions!

Sweet Venezulan Princess: I'll try to update as often as possible and I really appreciate how much you like it. Thanks for all your reviews.

Thanks again everybody. Keep reading…I hoped you all liked it!

Disclaimer: I own no characters, places, ideas, or plots created by Miss Rowling.


	3. How did that happen?

This is the story of two people who have been emotionally and mentally cut off from the world around them. They have been estranged from emotions until these eyes meet up again. What will happen? L/J R for later chapters

Disclaimer: I own no characters, places, ideas, or plots created by Miss Rowling.

****

No longer estranged chp3

"The consuming desire of most human beings is deliberately to plant their whole life in the hands of some other person. I would describe this method of searching for happiness as immature. Development of character consists solely in moving toward self-sufficiency."

-Crisp, Quentin

As soon as she shut the door to the bathroom behind her, all of her emotions and pain came falling out in the strangled gasps for breath. Her knees buckled and she fell onto the floor in a heap, bawling against the clothes James had provided for her. Just holding the garments of this man made her body cringe with exhilaration and nervousness. Those last few moments of just holding his hands and looking into his intense brown eyes were so oddly arousing that another question had popped into her mind, a question that could only be answered in one way.

Was she a virgin? If she was then the question was completely irrelevant, and all she needed to do was assume her former way of thinking on the matter. Whatever that was. But if she wasn't…that could bring a whole new incursion of problems. It could mean she might have a relationship back home…wherever that was. And what if James had with held some information from her, to protect her from something that could make this experience ten times worse. Such as an abusive boyfriend. Or, what if she had never told him of the hypothetical abusive boyfriend, to make her situation a little easier than it was. 

After a few moments of crying and debating with herself on the incredulous matter, she decided that all ailments would be healed with a nice hot shower. As was her plan before her will and strength deserted her.

Slowly and carefully she got to her feet not wanting any bouts of dizziness to throttle her mind into helplessness again. If her theory of an abusive boyfriend were true then hints of bruising or pain anywhere other than the effects of the Sonamos would be evidence enough to prove it. She gingerly lifted the soft green sweater over her head for fear of what she might see underneath. But thankfully all she could see were birthmarks and one scar over her right side, which seemed to be quite old. 

Her body seemed so unfamiliar; every curve and smooth creamy edge was a morose reminder that she was once a happy person with memories and friends. Or, according to James a supposedly happy person, with a shitty past. After a few moments of trying to accommodate herself with her body again, the warm gentle feel of water falling from the shower onto her aching back beckoned her to turn on the faucets, and de-tangle herself from the mess of thoughts that had been introduced to her all in one morning.

James watched her retreat slowly into the bathroom, clutching his clothes for dear life. If only he could hold her like had a few moments ago. He just needed to touch her again…just once more and he would be content. No…he wouldn't be content with just one more touch. He needed a lifetime of touches, a lifetime of feelings like the one he had when she was in his arms. He laid his head slowly against the bathroom door, and resigned to the fact that there would be no more touching anytime soon…as he heard the shower water turn on.

'She must be hungry' he thought to himself, as his own stomach protested to its empty uncomfortable state. So he turned around and walked back to the kitchen, wondering about the mess he'd gotten himself into. A pile of unfinished vegetables and a can of chicken broth were sitting on the counter. James muttered a freshening charm and started up chopping them again 

A loud crack could be heard coming from the sitting room. James looked up from his chopping vegetables and watched as his best friend through the years came strolling into the kitchen, as he usually did this everyday.

Sirius Black was a tall, muscular, and handsome medium auror at the ministry of magic, just a step below James. Sirius had taken half a year off to sort out some problems he had with his family, right after his brother, Regulas, had died. Or else he would have been at the top of the aurors in training. Sirius and his family had never gotten along, their opinions and expectations in life had been somewhat different, so he escaped from his family and became part of James'. Sirius had always known his younger brother was power hungry and stupid enough to do anything for it. But he never thought that his hunger for power would lead to his death. At the very hands of his leader, Voldemort. Sirius' let his bum gravitate down towards his usual chair in James' Dublin flat, took a deep breath, and commenced his daily ramble.

"You are so bloody lucky you weren't called for this job, mate. Bodies everywhere, wizards paralyzed to no extent. That bastard is building to something, everyone feel it. Even the muggles have started to understand the attacks; some have even accepted it! And do you know what? Our own damn ministry won't even admit this to be a maximum danger standpoint. 'It's just a phase so says our genius Minister…he's a blundering fool if you ask me! Just a dunderhead in denial that this had to happen during his run of office."

Sirius took this pause to look over at James, who was contentedly chopping vegetables, and hadn't commented on even one of his rants. Normally James was knee deep in debate about the topics Sirius brought to him. Today, he wasn't even dressed for work…as if he hadn't planned on going in at all… 

"Prongs, mate." Sirius started nonchalantly, and rising from his accustomed spot in the kitchen "you weren't called in for that job yesterday…right?"

James looked up at Sirius' apprehensive face and nodded regrettably. The moment he saw the stunned look on his friend's face, chopping vegetables and throwing them into the now boiling chicken broth seemed like a positively lovely thing to do.

"Have you unhinged completely, James?" Sirius bellowed, waving his hands around to emphasize his point "Your probably now going to lose your job, and in result of me knowing you were here lounging about doing nothing I'll be put on suspension!" In his vexation he had started to pace the kitchen rather furiously

"Padfoot, calm down."

"Don't you padfoot calm down me. It was an attack James. A real fallacious one, and here you are standing in your vacation house CHOPPING VEGETABLES!" His chest was heaving up and down with the anger that was now swimming his blood stream and making a headline for his brain.

"Sirius, calm down your going to give yourself boils at 23!" James filled a glass with water and handed it to Sirius, guiding him back to his original, non-lethal position of sitting. James had known Sirius for most of his lifetime. True his tantrums were intense, but they were sporadic enough that James could deal with them adequately. What he had done was wrong, not going into work…but that problem could easily be fixed. His current position however was a much tighter spot to get out of.

" Listen, I need your help with something…" sirius looked up from his glass of water, the redness slowly ebbing away from his face. James continued "I…did a really moronic thing… 

"James if you've gotten some tart pregnant-"

"Will you please just save your thickheaded comments for later." Siris gave a smirking nod of consent that was adequate enough for James to continue "Do you remember a girl from Hogwarts. A girl about two years below us…named Lily Evans?"

Sirius looked up at James as if he was crazy. He nodded again to motion his answer. Of course he remembered the prissy little know-it-all bitch who had given James the worst verbal beating he had ever received. She was too smart for her own good, according to the Marauders' pranking laws. Whenever they had pulled a prank, even the most disenchanted prank ever, she would still somehow pinpoint their exact location and send them to the professors. Or rather, much to her liking take them herself. Luckily this only happened once in a blue moon, for she liked to stay out of there way, and they preferred to stay as far away from the rule-abiding child as possible

"Well, I saw her at Diagon Alley yesterday, during the attack. And as all the cowardly wizards and witched ran away for their lives I watched as she imprudently stepped into the Sonamos, which is what I assumed it was, and start searching for dead bodies or something or other. So me, being the hero that I am, went in after her. By the time I got to her her breath had been cut short and she inhaled just enough Sonamos to faint…"

Sirius shrugged wondering where this story was going "So? Lot's of people fainted, at least she isn't paralyzed from the waist down-"

"Sirius…she's lost her memory. I took her back here to sleep it off, but when she woke up this morning, I found her standing in a corner with floo powder stuffed into her pocket and her wand at the ready. She has no clue who I am, or even who she is!"

"James do you know what this means?" sirius stood up and dragged James away from his chopped vegetables

"Sirius, don't you dare think it! We are not playing a prank on a girl who has just lost everything she ever had. C'mon Padfoot imagine not having any memories…besides that would be taking advantage of her…"

"Fine" Sirius sat back down with a disgruntled look on his face, this had put him quite out. The look of disconcertion that would have formed on her face would have been too perfect; payback's a bitch. And all those times she had sent them, head hung, and detention doomed, was in need of frantic pay back.

"So she lost her memory? That's odd, back at the ministry emergency ward there were no recorded cases of memory loss…or even obliviate charms being used…Sirius stood up, once again continued his path of pacing. His mind was racing, sorting through what he thought, non-essential bits of information that it had collected through his short life. St. Mungos had sent 'accident' reports back to the ministry concerning all the cases that were results of the attack. They, like James, had turned their knowledge of magical gas and smokes and deduced the mysterious matter to be Sonamos. But not one case had resulted in memory loss.

"OK so you basically saved her from paralyzation or death…brought her back here to rest, and she woke up without her memory. I still don't see how you've done something moronic?"

"Well, before you see her and start using your 'quick wit', reminiscing on how we tortured eachother…there's something else you should know…" James fumbled throwing the fully chopped vegetables into the steaming broth, as a devilish grin was formed on Sirius' face.

"What, did Ms. Evans lose a few more things than her memory?" Sirius snickered

James frowned at his friends never changing crude humor. He felt a sort of protectiveness over Lily… she was helpless and it was mostly James; fault. It was his responsibility to see that she adjusted to her "knew life".

"No…and you know it! That stupid, idiotic, moronic part…was…well…I seemed to have left out a few key details in explaining how she wound up here…and of course the fact that I lied to her by making up a whole bollucks assumption that she was having trouble at home and I offered to have her stay here for as long as she needed. Oh and of course I left out the part that we positively hated each other in Hogwarts! Also that I have no idea where her family is and who her friends are…" James dished out the soup into three bowls, seeing as Sirius didn't plan on going anywhere.

"You what? OK, now you're really not making sense. You lied to a girl we haven't seen in years, not to mention who we _despised,_ that you know eachother and are friends, and that her truly finding out who she is absolutely not an option…" Sirius contemplated the insanity this is James Potter, when one simple word sprung into his mind "Why?"

James sat across from his friend…for once not having an answer for him. Yes of course this question had also entered his mind many times. Why? Why had James put this girls happiness aside…was it for his own? Was it for that feeling the arose from the pit of his stomach seeping through his pours, and finally numbing his mind and sight to everything around him…except her. Except those emerald green windows, except that conflagrant red hair, the smooth creamy skin that whenever in 5 feet of James' hands, he felt them gravitating towards it. He was afraid that the next time he'd see her, his eyes with travel lower than her eyes…and towards her lips. Sirius apparently had been watching James thoughts trace from the question to his certain unknown desires.

"I think I know why…" Sirius casually took a sip of the soup

"Hmm…why?" James followed suit

"I think that Prongsy has an ickle crush on our memory-ridden Lilykins." He taunted going into his often-used baby voice

"I do not! That's…ugh…never brought to mind!" James scrunched up his face in disgust "OK so will you help me? Will you go along with this, as I see your not going anywhere…"

"Well what were the two love birds planning on doing today?" James whacked him over the head playfully

"I was going to take her into town to get some clothes…as she has none…"

"She has none? Honestly James I thought you'd actually-"

"Don't even think it Sirius!" James was about to go into a whole lecture on how immature and disgusting Sirius was when the sound of the swinging door that led to the kitchen was opened.

"James? Oh I'm sorry I didn't mean to interrupt" Lily had thought she was walking in on something important, so she turned around and prepared to walk back into the sitting room. James quickly jumped up and flung himself around the table, just in time to catch her tiny wrist before it disappeared into the next room.

"No! Wait Lily, you didn't interrupt. Actually we were just discussing your…erm…"

"Please don't say problem…" As he stared deeply into her eyes, James wondered how he ever had the strength to lie to the beautiful creature standing in front of him…wearing his clothes…only…

"I never meant to." He whispered softly. James could feel his eyes wandering down towards the area of her pink, rouge lips. He knew once they were set there the only other things that would ever come into contact with them were food and his own lips. Desperately trying to find a distraction, he remembered that Sirius was in the room. If the circumstances hadn't been so awkward James would have most definitely burst out laughing on the shocked look of Sirius' face. His mouth was hanging open…and his eyes had it be as wide as his mouth was…he was gaping at how much Lily had changed. From the skinny little bug-eyes nerd to the beautifully formed young women standing before him.

"This barbaric dolt sitting to my right, is my best friend. Sirius Black." James watched as Lily turned her eyes slowly from James' to Sirius'. She squinted at him, wracking her brain, forcing herself to remember something about this handsome face, who right now looked rather silly. James caught onto her trail of thought.

"Remember anything?" he asked gently

She shook her head sadly, but putting on the first full smile since she'd been there. Granted, it hadn't reached her eyes…but for now any sign of trying was a perfect effort.

"Do you want something to eat?" she nodded as James pulled out a chair for her to sit in. he purposely sat her as far away from Sirius as possible. He didn't need Sirius to make situations worse by having him hit on her.

"I chopped up vegetables and made some soup." James stated proudly. He set down her bowl and placed a warming charm on it.

"I thought I smelled something good…I have a feeling that I like vegetables." She brought the spoonful to her mouth and grinned as the hot liquid warmed her body. "I was right…"

James grinned. He was happy she was easing into his company. Who knew how long this charade would go on for?

"So…Lily…how've you been these past few years?" Sirius regretted the question the moment it came out of his mouth, earning a reproving glare from James. "Sorry I didn't mean-"

"Sirius? Is that your name?" he nodded apologetically "If you say something that involves my memory loss, which yes is a touchy subject at the moment, please at least attempt not looking like your going to get your head cut off!"

James snorted into his soup; amazed at the amount of wit the girl still had left in her.

"Sorry…" Sirius muttered sheepishly

"You have nothing to be sorry for. Now…James. There is a pressing matter at hand that we must discuss, and although your sweats are indeed very large and comfortable I can't go walking into a wizarding community wearing them-"

"Clothes, I know. We're in a large city and I have plenty of muggle money in a local bank."

Something clicked inside Lily's head. As if one of the small doors that were locked yesterday had been let open.

"Muggle…I'm muggle born…" James and Sirius' head popped up and looked quickly at each other before glancing back at her.

"What did you say?" Sirius asked

"I'm muggle born…right?" James nodded yes this was an insignificant piece of information for her to piece together where she lives…as she no longer lives with muggles. But it was only the first day without her memory, what if the rate of her remembering things quickened…what if the recollections became bigger…more important…

"That's great!" Siriua covered. James was too shocked to remember to congratulate her on the regaining of memories. It was the only natural thing to do. "You've remembered something!"

"Not like it matters…" Lily muttered pushing the bowl away, suddenly not hungry anymore

"Well, as much as I'd love to stay and party till the sun goes down…I, unlike other people I know, have work to do. I'll check in a gain tomorrow Prongs, all right?" James nodded giving Sirius a grateful handshake.

Sirius briefly glanced towards Lily wanting to remember her in this sweet way before she turned back into the snobbish little girl she had been all those years ago. Who knows…the effects of the gas could be temporary. With one more nod to the two of them he dissaparated leaving Lily and James alone…with eachother…again.

"So…" Lily started pathetically, wanting to end the awkwardness between them

"So…" James replied lamely

"Where did you say we were again?"

"Dublin…it's a city in Ireland-"

"I know…" more awkward silence. James couldn't stand this anymore. Just seeing her sit there next to him, stiff as a board, and nervous as a kitten on it's first day in the wilderness. He surprised himself as his hand reached over and gave hers a reassuring squeeze. She was also surprised at this daring move, her feelings were so mixed up, so confused, that she would never had made that first move. But as his skin grazed hers all second thoughts were banished from her mind, a hot passion rose through her body. Lust, in it's purest form was hard to contain, but what Lily was feeling at that moment was beyond lust…it was want…it was necessity. She needed him in the worst way. Images of their bodies molding together on top of layers of silky bed sheets stung her mind…seeming almost familiar… 

James mind and body at the moment was being subjected to the same tumultuous torture. His hand started to trace it's way up her arm, and paused for a moment at the nape of her neck, stroking her smooth skin gently. Taking in the sensual feeling of their skin melting together with just one touch, he moved his arm up away from her neck and past her lips to her now closed eyes.

Her heart was racing with the slow lustful movements of his hands. If they could do this to her just on the surface of her skin…what would they do underneath everything? Her chest was now rising in falling with the silent gasps of breaths she was begging for. Her lungs were constricted, if she had wanted to talk she wouldn't have been able to, for her vocal chords wouldn't open even if her life depended on it. She closed her eyed letting now both his hands run over her calmative eyelids. His large rough hands were gentle yet care-worn at the same time, sending chills down her spine in such a rush of ecstasy…it was life altering…simple touches.

His hands only had one place left on her face to explore, and even though he felt if they even just brushed against them he would lose the ounce of control he had left in his body, they ventured down to her lips. They were surprisingly full, and smooth. Not cracked from going a night and a half a morning without much liquid on them. He felt her mouth form a kissing motion, as his forefingers were the only ones left on the lush lips. 

Her eyes opened finally meeting his and all his self-control was lost in the emotion and want that reflected his own. He grabbed her around the waist in one swift movement and pushed his lips against hers. Her arms were flung instantly to the back of his neck, tousling the already messy head of hair. She pushed her chair away and granted him permission to pull her onto his lap. The odd chair he sat on allowed her to straddle his legs and gave her easy access to more intimate positions. Their passion and forgotten morals ruled their bodies. Only aphrodisia passed through the thresh hold of her body and his.

A/N: oh dear oh dear….what shall happen next? Shall self-control be regained? Shall these two dimwits come to their senses and realize that they've only been staying with each other for less than a day really? Well you'll just have to read the next chapter and find out! Again I'm sorry to those of you who like people eho update every day or every other day where as I shall update once a week and the chapters not even that long. Again, I'm gonna say I just want to write this at my own speed. So far I think everything is going ok…what do you think? OK before I go I would like to say thanks to a few people!

kat6528: thanks for the review. And James lying will obviously be slowly coming out. It mostly comes out in this chapter as you've already seen…::grin:: thanks again!

ShorTi: thanks for your review it means a lot to me!

littlx1:thank you very much. My english professors don't feel anything I do is well written. So that means a lot!

Disclaimer: I own no characters, places, ideas, or plots created by Miss Rowling.


	4. Not always welcome

This is the story of two people who have been emotionally and mentally cut off from the world around them. They have been estranged from emotions until these eyes meet up again. What will happen? L/J R for later chapters

Disclaimer: I own no characters, places, ideas, or plots created by Miss Rowling.

****

No Longer Estranged chp4

"The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple."

-Oscar Wilde

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Last time…

His hands only had one place left on her face to explore, and even though he felt if they even just brushed against them he would lose the ounce of control he had left in his body, they ventured down to her lips. They were surprisingly full, and smooth. Not cracked from going a night and a half a morning without much liquid on them. He felt her mouth form a kissing motion, as his forefingers were the only ones left on the lush lips. 

Her eyes opened finally meeting his and all his self-control was lost in the emotion and want that reflected his own. All the tension and hindrance that had been built up between them in these past couple of moments was released. With just one look two worlds came crashing down. In his amorous state, he grabbed her around the waist in one swift movement and pushed his lips against hers, not caring at the moment if she wanted to or not.. Her arms were flung methodically to the back of his neck, pushing her fingers through his already tousled hair. All she needed was a piece of him, just to have one taste of his body would be enough to sustain her control. She pushed her chair away roughly and moved for him to pull her onto his lap. The odd chair he sat on allowed her to straddle his legs and gave her easy access to more…intimate positions. Their passion and forgotten morals ruled their bodies. Only aphrodisia passed through the thresh hold of her body and his.

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The sensualism that was felt between the two young souls was so mind blowing that if either of them opened their eyes or looked about the room, it would be spinning. James had felt so lost before she spotted him from the window of that café. He hadn't been sure whether she was an apparition or just an angel comedown from heaven to make his day better. But now as his hands roamed under the sweatshirt she was wearing, and pulled her close enough against him to feel the hard erection she had supplied for him. Only a real person could do that to a person…could do that to James Potter. And he desired her like nothing his soul had ever encountered before.

Lily's breath, whenever she was permitted to take one, came in short, strangled, gasps. The force in which she thirsted for him had been overwhelming to the point of bursting. The second his strong hands had glided over her lips, all walls and precautions previously taken burst into flame. Her blood was boiling with voracity and intense emotions, she didn't care whether she was a virgin or not…the feeling of his lips on hers and his hands squeezing and pulsing her back, and his hips pushed to hers…nothing could have been wrong with that moment. 

James slowed down the rush of lust that was flowing from mouth to mouth. He took her hands from his neck and brought them to his chest, wanting lily to feel the racing beat of his heart. She smiled at the spot on his chest, just wanting to rip the clothes off, take him to floor and make love to him every way possible. But as lily looked into James' deep chocolate eyes something strange happened. The room went black and all she could see in front of her was some kind of odd muggle movie screen…flashing random pictures at her. She didn't recognize these pictures of strange people; three particular girls kept appearing together…smiling at her sarcastically. 

"Lil…" she heard one of them say "Lily stop fooling around we have to get to class, or else Mcgonogall is going to have a fit."

She looked around. She was back in Hogwarts, standing in the Gryffindor common room…the two girls by her side. Everything seemed so familiar…maybe…maybe she was remembering something…anything…

"Yes we must get going…I suppose." The words were forced out of her mouth, as if she was reading some script being prompted from inside her brain.

The short skinny black-hair girl grabbed Lily's hand and ran through the portrait whole. She didn't know where the girl was leading them…she wasn't even trying to trace the steps to a certain class…all she was trying to do was figure out what this girls' name was…something with a C…Carly…Carol…Crystal…Cassandra…Cassandra! This girl's name was Cassandra!

The world went pitch black again and the pictures seemed to be moving backwards and faster this time too. Soon all she could see in front of her were two very worried chocolate brown eyes.

"Lily! Lily are you all right?" somehow she had managed to go from straddling James' legs to lying on the floor with a very large headache.

"What happened?" she moaned, slowly attempting to sit up

"You fainted, I caught you just in time to make sure your head wasn't cracked open. Although you did hit it a little bit…sorry." Lily looked up quickly at James, causing a sharp pain to shoot through her head. She let out a whimper of pain and pulled herself into James' chest. He was a bit dismayed at this sudden manifestation of affection, but he soon realized it was pain she was feeling, actual physical pain. He pulled her near him and cradled her close to his heartbeat, as it still was calming down from the intense moments they had shared just a few moments ago. 

"James!" she pulled back from him wincing as pain shot from her head down to the bottom of her spine. She tried to ignore the pain so she could tell James what she had remembered. If only they could find this girl Cassandra, then maybe, just maybe she would be able to find home and figure out who she truly was. But James wasn't letting her move that fast, with his arms tightly secured around her now fragile body, he picked her up and carried her as a child back into the sitting room. He gently set her on the love seat that she had spent the night on, keeping his arms around her so she couldn't make any sudden movements and inflict more pain on her already traumatized body.

As she eased into her spot on the small sofa, a small drop of cold water dropped onto her sweat pants. Cold sweat, mingled in with tears had drenched her face during the little trip back in time. James was looking at her and holding her as if she might brake, his intense gaze made her want to crumble again and meld her body into his. 

"Don't make any sudden movements all right? Ease slowly into everything you do, understand? I don't want to see you in any more pain than you've already experienced tod-"

She grabbed James hand and squeezed it tightly in reassurance "This day hasn't been all that bad…" 

He didn't know what to say…she liked it…maybe as much as he had. She liked those touches, the strokes, the recession into each other's eyes, each other's souls. The only emotion or response he could muster up for her was a grin.

"But…" the grin faded "I still don't know you…so…" James tried to ebb his hand away from hers but she held strong. "So I want to spend the day getting to know who you are…while we go shopping for clothes. Just forget about who I am for the day, I want to know who you are!"

"Wait…huh?"

Lily laughed as his glasses slid down the bridge of his nose as he scrunched it in confusion. But the laughing subsided quickly as another shot of pain exploded from the bottom of her neck all the way down her spine, this time the pain was so intense that she couldn't help but let out a little cry. James lost his playful look as he quickly put his arms around her and pushed the skinny body back against the sofa.

"Where does it hurt?" he didn't know what brought on this new found want of information, and he was actually quite shocked as it has only been a day since she woke up…

"From the back of my head…all the way down my spine." She whispered not needing anymore-unwanted projectiles of pain.

"I'm not very good at medicine, wizard or muggle, so we're probably going to have to call in a medi-wizard…" He knew this wasn't a good idea, at least on his part of this whole situation. But Lily was in immense pain; he couldn't just sit next to her and watch her suffer the rest of her time there. Although he wouldn't mind just sitting next to her…

"All right…do you think they'd be able to help with my memory?" she wanted to know more about this girl from her black out. What if she was the key to understanding what had happened to her?

"I don't think so" he realized he said this a little too quickly, as she gave him an odd look from her rigid position on the sofa. "You basically have amnesia, there's nothing you can do but ride it out…I'm sorry." A wave of fresh guilt found itself clouding James' heart and conscience.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, so don't say it." She adjusted her body so her back was lying against his chest "And what's the bloody point of flooing in an actual medi-wizard? Just shove some aspirin down my throat and I'll be fine…"

"Aspirin?" James laughed at her aggravation "Listen, no muggle medicine understand? If you don't want an actual medi-wizard I have a close friend who's very good at these things."

Lily shifted uncomfortably. "These things?"

"Healing, he's also very good at Defense against the Dark Arts. Top of his year…in that class at least." James carefully removed Lily from his arms and laid her back against the sofa. He moved into the next room to fetch his owl and a few pieces of parchment for the letter.

"What's his name?" Lily asked, "Maybe another name will help me remember some things. 

James looked up from the owl he was writing, making sure not to leave out _any_ details. "Remus Lupin. What do you mean another name? I thought you couldn't remember anything about Pad- er Sirius." James didn't need Lily asking him questions about his past, let alone more of hers. All the lies he's told already made him feel as if his insides were to burn up with the guilt.

"Cassandra." Lily muttered mostly herself. She wanted to make sure the name sounded real, that it was real, and that her mind hadn't played a trick on her. A Little game to supply false hope to the owner of the mind could easily amuse one's sub-conscience. Lily wasn't half willing to let it play those games with her.

The sound of that name had startled James, he assumed that she would have remembered her git sister, or even the name of those two blonde-headed bimbo's she still sees. But Cassandra was a far off memory that not even James could ever fully comprehend.

"Out of all the people you could remember, your sub-conscience chooses her?" he didn't even want to say the name in his own house. Invoking her into any conversation could bring on adequate amounts of superstition.

"Why? Where is she?" Lily asked attempting to get up. The pain shot through her spine, but this time coming from her tailbone instead of the nape of her neck. Seeing her wince in pain, James rushed over to her quickly wanting to take the distress away from her, and put it ten fold in Voldemort's testicles.

"Cassandra…she…Lily how old were you in the memory?" James had taken her body, and gently twisted it around so she could lay on his chest, yet still see his face enough for his lips to be in focus. This bringing on a different kind of torment for Lily was not welcome.

"I looked to be about 13, 14. Around that age, why? Who is she?" Lily settled back into James' chest. She felt safe here, even though it had hardly been 24 hours. The sound of his heartbeat was soothing, and relaxing. It brought her into a state of serenity while listening to James' tail of this mysterious memory girl.

"Well, your fourth year, my sixth, a girl named Cassandra Rochester transferred from Beaubatons Academy in France, to Hogwarts…here in England. She was quite the energetic little thing, I remember. Long black hair, intense violet eyes, and other physical attributes, which I noticed, and are not for your listening pleasure. "Lily snorted "Anyway, everyone liked her…at first. Then about mid-year, around the Christmas holidays I suppose, she became…discerned, estranged from the rest of the school. I noticed how she seemed paler, skinnier. That vibrant, playful look had been drowned by whatever it was that troubled her."

"So she was depressed young, teenager, I still don't understand how that makes her infamous."

"Maybe you should listen and then you'd realize how we became…wary of the girl." James would be damned if he admitted his fear of anything. Particularly a small odd child such as Cassandra. James took a deep breath and pushed the irritation of interruption away. A glimpse of the old Lily he used to know and dislike had flashed before his eyes. But now he recognized the girl, who whenever she glanced his way, the hot scream of desire would fill his mid-drift.

"Sorry…" she muttered

"No I'm sorry, that was rude-"

"James, just shut up and finish the bloody story!" James chuckled at her discourteous tone of voice, but he complied with the order none-the-less.

"All right, keep your nickers on. So she was depressed yes, but then the dreams came. Around the end of February was the first one that the whole school witnessed. She had fallen asleep at lunch, and everyone was inside eating in the Great hall because of the frozen state of the courtyard. Well, about half-way through the meal we hear this loud-"

"James?!" Lily sighed in half relief half disappointment. She was relieved that someone was finally here to alleviate the now excruciating pains in her back. But she was disappointed as she would have to wait for the story to continue, and once the voice resounded throughout the flat, James had removed himself from the employment of being Lily's very warm, and comforting pillow.

"James where are you?" Lily watched as a young man strode through the swinging door from the kitchen the entered the sitting room. He had a kind, worn look to him. As if somehow, his wisdom and experiences were far too old for the young body and soul. Sandy-blonde hair plagued his head in short bangs around his head. Care-worn gray eyes focused from the windows the fireplace and then to James, who was now standing about a few inches taller than the man was.

"You're a git, and you know why!" Remus muttered to him as he quickly walked past him without so much as a hello. He recognized Lily right away, true she seemed taller, even in her hunched state. And her figure had developed quite profusely since her fifth year in Hogwarts. Yet that knowledgeable wit still hung in the air around her.

"Hello." He said quietly not wanting to disturb her too much. "I'm Remus Lupin." He extended his hand for a shake, Lily excepted it readily.

"Lily Evans. And yes I'm pretty sure you already knew that so, can you be ever so kind and not say that you do, hmm?"

Even without her memory, Lily was still the same smart-ass little spitball they had all disliked. But Remus never felt any strong feelings toward Lily like James, and Sirius had. He only respected her the sense that she had the balls to stand up to James and insult him in front of half the school…most of that population James' age. But what truly impressed him, was that she succeeded in putting him off and more than once.

"All right, fair enough. Now where does it hurt?" Remus and Lily spent the next half-hour straightening her back out and chugging disgusting potions down her throat. Just like how she felt with James, a strange sense of familiarity was this mans aura. It was the only reason that she let him feed her anything that looked as if it had just been regurgitated from the belly of a mule. But after a little while she started feeling better, and soon had to admit that this man knew what he had been doing.

"Thank you." She said to him shyly "I feel a lot better…Remus?"

He nodded "Yes Remus. And no problem, it's all in a days work." Remus turned his back on Lily with a smile that soon disintegrated into a glare as his eyes settled on James. "You know what James? I'm quite hungry, do you think I could go fish something out to eat, besides we need to go over that call from work, even though it's only temporary…do you understand?" James was feeling a bit nervous. He understood what Remus wanted him to do, and he also understood why he wanted to stay longer. Remus knew James better than most people, he had the ability to observe the emotions going on inside someone's head, not just the facial expressions which could easily be masked. It was as if Remus could almost sense, or smell the fear or happiness clouding a heart. But of course, these attributes came with the wonderful curse of being a werewolf.

"A-all right…if your not busy, that would be simply smashing." James just rolled his eyes at Remus and walked over to Lily to help her up. She gladly took his hand, connecting with his eyes for the briefest of moments, and experiencing that same rush of lust, as she usually did.

"Oh, no of course I'm not busy. A little tired indeed, but not busy." Remus had observed the little exchange between the two and lessened his obtrusiveness towards James. He was just glad to see that Lily definitely wasn't staying there against her will. She seemingly enjoyed his company…how that came about he didn't exactly feel like discussing.

"So, how do you two know eachother?" Lily asked lightly as she sat down at the kitchen table. She noticed the chair she and James had been previously situated on, heatedly, was still at an obtuse angle from the table.

"We went to school together, friends since first year." Remus shrugged it off being a casual question. He knew that if he said too much James would be quite mad at him. He didn't exactly care what James thought at that moment in time however. This girl deserved to know the truth of what James had done to her, and then given the choice to stay where she wanted too.

"Do you know Sirius?" Remus looked up at James in question

"Sirius apparated into the flat, looking for me. As I haven't been to work today." He looked at Lily's slightly guilty face "But I'm quite glad I didn't go." Their eyes connected once again, and the electricity that was now habituated flowed between them furiously

Remus couldn't take anymore of this hidden yet quite obvious flirtation "James can I talk to you for a moment…about that case we've been helping the ministry on…you know, the temporary one!" James had only ever saw the look that Remus wore now once before, and the circumstances than had been extremely tense, and 'Sirus'.

Once Remus and James were outside of the flat, James sound proofed the door so that if Lily were feeling a little curious she wouldn't be able to hear anything. The moment Remus new James had finished he rounded on him with a newfound fury.

"Are you bloody insane? What the fuck do you think your doing, huh James? You have absolutely no right to just go and lie to this girl, who by the way trusts you completely, just because you felt a little something for her! It's her life not yours, It's her decision to stay not yours. -"

"But Remus she was miserable-"

"How could you possibly know that hmm? How do you know she was miserable and lonely?"

James became defensive and drew himself up in front of his old friend "Because I saw her yesterday. In the window of that café we passed. That hopeless, loveless look. I honestly don't don't bloody well think that if Voldemort himself would have shown up in front of the shop and done swan lake, she would have even noticed."

"So you knew her in an instant is it? With one forlorn look she was a damsel in distress who was in desperate need of saving?" he couldn't believe the stupidity soiling James' once intelligent mind

"Remus-" James tried to reclaim his case but Remus was done listening

"James I have known you for years, and in all those years have I ever lied to you?" James shook his head dully at his friend, keeping his eyes anywhere but Remus' "Exactly, so right now I;m not going to brake that tradition. I feel that what your doing now is the worst, most digusting, most degrading job I've ever seen you pull. Until this is over, don't ask for my help with anything. Unless, she's in pain again, and then if I do come; I will tell her everything. "

James made to interrupt Remus once again, this pushed him over the edge.

"Shut up" he hissed uncharacteristicly venemous "The only way you could ever stop me from telling that poor girl what you've done to her…is if you do it yourself. If you tell her the truth it will most likely stop the painful memories and you wouldn't need me in the first place. If you hold everything back form her, eventually the memory loads that keep coming back to her until her entire defense system shuts down and she recedes into a coma."

The silence that followed this impassioned speech was strange, and disfigured. Remus and James had always had something to talk about, even if one was scolding the other, they never stopped talking. But this problem was so intense to the point that James knew Remus was right and what he had done required no arguing or defensiveness.

"I'm gonna go…I really wish you'd think this over James. For all you know she could be in love" James looked up at Remus hopefully "back home." His face fell recieted back to it's shameful shape.

"One more thing, I just want to know why you think you can read her every facial emotion after not seeing the girl for years?"

James had been ready to open the door and retreat back to Lily's accepting embrace.

"I didn't read the expression, I recognized it." He said emotionless

"From what?" Remus didn't understand James' answer

"From looking in the mirror everyday" he closed the door behind him leaving Remus without so much as a goodbye. James had been quite put off by Remus, even though he was right, he couldn't help feeling resent towards the mans logic. When he entered the flat he got ready to go back into the kitchen to see Lily again. Instead he found her on the sofa, looking through an old family photo album of him, his parents, and Sirius. 

"Hey, Remus had to go in a hurry, he couldn't stay for dinner." Lily looked up to James with a grim smile

"Why?" she looked back down at the photo album, idly flipping through it as if trying to find her own parents staring back at her.

"He got…summoned by work to fill out paper…work." It wasn't a serious lie, only a small one to cover up why Remus had left.

"Oh, well I never really thanked him for helping me. I feel so much better after he labored on chugging medicine down my throat."

"Was that sarcastic or was that all honest?"

"Do you remember your parents James?"

"I try to think of them everyday. I try to remember a happy memory that I had with them as often as-" Lily had been watching him intently when James cut short his little speech, when he realized something. He never told Lily that his parents were dead.

"Lily did you just remember something?" he didn't want to go to deep into the details of the memory control issue again. It was too shallow of water for anyone to tread in.

"Yes, and no." her voice was now soft and defeated "I'm really scared James. I'm scared for everyone I know, I'm scared for everyone I love, I'm scared for everyone I used to know…" a small stream of tears were now flowing swiftly down Lily's face. "I mean what if they don't know I'm gone? What if my friends and family are looking for me? I have no way of finding them."

James saw how distressed she was over such a silly matter, so he reached over to hold her hand in comfort, but she pulled away and stood up to look out the window. What did that mean? Did that mean that she didn't want to touch him? Was she not happy with what had happened, even though she liked it?

"Or worse yet, what if they're not looking for me? What if my life was just so horrible, ten times worse than I described it to you, that I was at a point where no one cares…or notices anything." James couldn't stand it anymore. He needed to touch her, look at her beautiful eyes, anything involving human contact.

"Stop being stupid!" He had swiftly walked over to her and placed his hands firmly on her shoulders, not wanting her to get away from him this time. The feeling of his hands on her body, even such a bland place as her shoulders, made her body fill with electricity. Yet she refused to let her defenses crumble completely.

"Lily, I'm positive they care. How could anyone not care about?" he started gently, trying to get her to look at him "So, you were in a rut it happens to the best wizards and witches. But just because you feel detached from the world, just because you go through each day…wondering, whether or not someone you love will I love you back. Or, you keep wondering whether your friends will be alive the next time you see them…and then at the end of the day you search for a meaning, you search and think so hard that the room starts to spin…and all thats left is triviality…" he couldn't speak anymore. Everything he knew, all he felt, had again been put into an explanation for her life.

He had her full attention now. Lily's sad eyed were pinned on James' downcast chocolate orbs. So much emotion into trying to get her to realize something…and she finally started to. Even though her memory was gone, her friends and her family might not exactly be searching high and low for her, but one thing had stayed constant. And he was staring her in the face.

"James." She whispered softly, trying to get his attention. "James, look at me please…" he looked up at her, just wanting to take her in his arms and hold her forever. "James, I-I just want t-to say…" She felt her face gravitating towards his, that warm feeling in her lips begging to come into contact with his strong body. "I want to say…" 

His hand had gone from her shoulders, and traced a line down her back, pulling her closer to his now hard body. "What?" His heart was racing so fast that the words hardly came out as a whisper.

They were so close now, only one inch. One inch left to close the elusive gap between the two raging storms. They shared the insanity of lost lovers, of hopeless dead ends. Everything they ever wanted was just an inch away.

A/N: don't hate me….::meep::…I sorry I had to end it like that…also I'm really sorry for taking so long to post this chapter but I felt that it needed extreme work, so I kept re-writing and re-writing. And you know how I need to take my time on this story, I keep saying it and will always say it. Also, I know that some of you might be mad at how I portrayed Remus so short with Lily, but honestly. He didn't know her, he wasn't close with her. All he needed to say he got across, and that's all I wanted with him. Also don't worry we'll see a **_lot more _**intimacy next chapter. I don't how soon I'm gonna get that posted so I hope your satisfied with this one for a while. OK that's pretty much it, I just want to say thank you to some people before I go!

emma halliwell (EVAMZVP15@yahoo.com): Thanks for thinking I'm a great writer, I really appreciate it.

lilbird :That's why I'm evil,oh god if you hated me then your defiantley gonna hate me now! Sorry! But thanks for the compliments.

ShorTi: Well this answered one of your questions. I'll probably have Peter show up eventually, but like most people…I think Peter's a git! Thanks for the review.

Sweet Venezuelan Princess: YAY! I'm so happy you love it! Hope you're as much satisfied with this chapter as all the others.

slate07: Thank you! I really appreciate that!

Disclaimer: I own no characters, places, ideas, or plots created by Miss Rowling.


	5. Love Me is What Breaks Me

This is the story of two people who have been emotionally and mentally cut off from the world around them. They have been estranged from emotions until these eyes meet up again. What will happen? L/J R for later chapters

Disclaimer: I own no characters, places, ideas, or plots created by Miss Rowling.

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This chapter contains explicit content, if you do not like, or wish to, or feel uncomfortable reading this type chapter I suggest you don't. thank you.

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No Longer Estranged Chp5

"Stars lead me up to heaven, and I hope I'm there with you, for you are a star in my twinkling eyes." 

-Fancher, Shannon

Lily felt the intensity of James' heartbeat against her chest. Her eyes kept fluttering from his eyes to his mouth. His now familiar, warm mouth that was just waiting to be filled with her once more. It begged for her soft lips to collide with his. But the one thought that kept intruding on the luscious ones, the one thought that held reason and sensibility, the one thought that she despised.

"We can't James." She gasped out, making sure his eyes were level with hers.

"What?" He was a little taken aback. He thought she wanted to, she did, and she does! But the betrayed look in Lily's eyes made him control himself and attempt to reason with her to stop being so sensible. "Why can't we?"

"James, be reasonable…" Lily placed her hand on James' arm, but he rejected it. Too filled with frustration and confusion.

"Reasonable? Lily you can't tell me to be reasonable. Not after everything we've-" he turned on his heel and ran his hands through his hair in aggravation. 

"Everything we've what?" Lily demanded "James this is impossible, we've known eachother for a whole of what, not even 24 hours? We haven't been through anything-" James cut her off, his irrational feelings taking over

"We haven't been through anything? Lily I- OK, granted we haven't really known eachother until now, and yes you've lost your memory but I'm trying to help with all the power I possess Lily. I've already missed two days of work-"

"Then kick me out if I'm such a nuisance to you, I'm quite aware of the helplessness that is my state of life at the moment." Lily had stomped towards James and forced him to look her in the eyes. She saw the hurt and anger that had been sparked by what he saw as "her rejection".

"Can you honestly say that you feel nothing for me?" James whispered, his large rough hands finding her small pale ones. Lily didn't know what to say. She didn't trust herself to say anything at all. She knew that if she let her brain ramble James would probably throw her out, or give the cold-shoulder for the rest of the time she was there. But if she let her heart ramble…well what would happen? The worst thing that could possibly happen is that James would reject her, and she already knew that he would never let himself do that, the anxious look in his eyes alone wouldn't let him refuse her. So Lily plucked up all her courage, and rambled from her heart.

"James, I feel that I can honestly say even through this whole ridiculous ordeal, that I've never felt as strongly towards anyone as I have felt towards you this past day."

James didn't know whether to be happy or dismayed. "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

Lily felt some tension lift as she let out a small giggle at James' somewhat innocent, confused face. She held onto his hands and led him to the love seat facing the now intensely glowing fireplace. She took a deep breath and faced his bright eyes one more time.

"It's a good thing James, but the truth of the matter is I can't say that I fully trust you…. "

"Lily, what don't you trust about me?" James asked feeling the guilt surge to the top of his emotions.

"It's not that I don't trust you…it's more that I don't trust _myself_…when I'm _with_ you…" Lily tried to put it as delicately as possible. But James was getting impatient. His need to kiss her was mounting again as he felt Lily's hands squeezing and rubbing his own.

"Truth?" He asked her, knowing that she was waiting for what he had to say. She nodded giving him consent to continue "I don't trust myself with you either. I feel you're my responsibility that the only way you'd be able to regain your memory is through me. But I don't think that whether it was fate we met, or some ultimate design, I don't think they ever meant us to feel the way that we feel about eachother. That is if my feelings are requited…"

"It's not possible James, I don't know you and you don't know me. Fuck I don't even know me!" James widened his eyes at Lily's choice of vocabulary. "How can this be possible?" Lily removed her hands from his and stood up in vexation "I've remembered a few more things, subtle things. Such as beliefs or hopes…and I am positive that in all my life I have NEVER believed in anything as trivial or insubstantial as...as..." 

James stood up behind her, and gently placed a hand on her shoulder to steady her nerves. "As what, Lily?" he whispered gently

As she turned around slowly James could notice the hint of tears, glistening in her green eyes.

"As…love-"

"At first sight?"

"No, I know that's utterly impossible. And besides we were acquaintances in Hogwarts.". Lily stated matter-of-factly "I meant love in general. Love besides love for a family member. I don't remember any boys being explicitly nice to me in Hogwarts. There was one group in particular, that were horrific boys. I can't see their faces…but they were there." James eyes widened yet again, but this time it was at how close she was to figuring out their true relationship in school. If you could even call it a relationship. "But anyway, love…love right now is the only word I can, and want to use when referring to what I feel for you." Tears were fully streaming down her face. In vain Lily tried to quickly wipe the tears falling form her eyes, but James caught her hands and pulled her in for a kiss. Or that's what lily thought.

Once she thought their lips would collide, James stopped his robust advance toward her and his lips changed course. Instead of James kissing Lily's lips, he kissed her tears away. One by one, tear by tear, James kissed Lily's sorrows away. She couldn't believe what she was feeling, pleasure she knew for sure she never experienced before this very moment. But pain shot through her every time they touched, the pain of something nagging in the back of her mind. Something wasn't right with this. Something wasn't true. But at that moment all she could truly feel and care that she was feeling was James touch on her face, on her body. She realized now that the only reason she was feeling emotional pain, was because her stupidity was holding her back from the one thing, one person, who could take the pain away. She wouldn't let that happen any longer.

"James?" she whispered pushing him back and taking his face in her hands.

"What's the matter?" he asked, half out of breath from the feeling she was giving him

"Love me." James hesitated for no longer than a second, once he realized what she was begging him to do. He knew there were so many ways he could bring her beautiful pleasure, happiness he never felt before, the want the need, it all took over him as he delved into her mouth, slowly taking her from the love seat into his bedroom. Her hands were roaming up and down his back stopping at points to explore that certain stretch of skin, or birthmark, or any part of his body she wished to memorize.

Once by the bed, they stopped for a moment just to look into each other's eyes. Each other checking that this was what the other wanted, the answer didn't take long to find. Somehow they both knew without speaking, that neither would be complete of they couldn't have the other.

Lily sat on the bed and tentatively started to pull the sweater off over her small body. She had on a lacy bra underneath the sweater that made James quiver with amazement. This small girl he thought he knew was a woman now. There was not one imperfection that James could find on Lily's body, from the slightly curvy stomach, to the way her breasts just seemed to perfectly arouse his deepest desires. After watching her take the shirt off James took his off as fast as possible and grabbed her close to him. 

Their bare skin seemed to become one once they touched eachother, but their souls had yet to be melded. James' body was a temple that Lily couldn't stand any longer to worship it. His hard abs. made her squirm with passion, and pull him in tighter against his body, wanting to feel every movement that every muscle made. James had gently lowered Lily back onto the bed and was now leveling himself on top of her. He couldn't believe how happy he was with just a glance at the glow in her eyes.

He had his arms around her back so he could unfasten the bra quite easily. He marveled at her body, as her head was thrown back in abandonment, welcoming him to any part of her body. He took her right breast and started to kiss it, satisfying himself with her taste and every little gasp she made. He soon got to the nipple and took it full in his mouth, sucking it gently, than fiercely causing her breathing to become shorter and less syncopated. He rubbed her other breast making sure it felt no neglect while the other felt such tension and pleasure. His kisses soon traveled down her body and reached the pants-line. With one last grin at lily he pulled the pants down along with her underwear, if there was any, as James did not care to look. He sat up for a moment and observed the milky smooth skin that was at his disposal. But lily wouldn't let him have all the fun, as she was at a major disadvantage.

She reached up and pulled him back on her by his belt line. She kissed him fiercely, nibbling his lower lip and trailing up to his ear, while steadily taking unbuckling his belt and pulling down his pants. She glanced down at his blue boxers and noticed through them the intensity of emotions. With another short pause and a kiss she smiled and pulled down his shorts, and slowly opened her legs, preparing herself for his soul.

James delved into Lily's body with ease, at first shallow to make sure she wasn't a virgin. His suspicions confirmed that she wasn't he pushed deeper, and deeper, never taking his eyes off of hers. Once as far as he could go and hearing her moans of pain, James pulled out and thrust right back in but released quicker. He made a pattern that her arching back and thrusting body could match his powerful one. First a slow long thrust causing pain and relief. Then four short ones tickling the body and sensations. Again a long slow push, but now only three short thrusts causing more pain, that slowly turned to ecstasy. James could feel her nails digging into his back, holding onto him with everything she was and had. Once James reached only one short thrust he delved into four long ones, on the last one feeling her walls clench around him they both let all they had into eachother, feeling a bond being formed that could never be separated.

James lay on top of Lily for a few moments, catching his breath and breathing her sweet sweat in. Lily didn't want to lose the feeling of him inside her, or anywhere near her, but she felt the soar coming on her and gave him a kiss on the shoulder to signify to let her go. He released her gently and left her body, only to roll over and spoon her, not letting her go. The moment was perfect 

"Lily?" James gasped, still short of breath 

Everything that Lily could ever have wanted happened in those beautiful, long moments.

"Yes?" she mumbled feeling sleep starting to take her

James didn't know what to say, he felt if he told the truth then everything would be broken, but if he didn't what if Remus had been right? What if the memories started returning at such a rapid pace because of her emotional stress, that she became catatonic, or went into a coma?

"What is it, James?" She turned over to face him, keeping her arms and legs tightly intermingled with his.

"I-" he couldn't do "I need-" he couldn't tell her the truth. Not that truth at least, so he attempted another one, but didn't get a chance to. 

"I love you, James" Lily muttered as she finally drifted off to sleep, nudging her head on his chest. All James could do was smile, hope for the best, and whisper.

"I love you too, Lily Evans."

A/N: I know I know I know! You all must be terrible mad at me that I haven't updated for so long and here she comes with the shortest chapter ever to be written to man kind. This person sucks dude! Or homey or whatever your lingo is. I'm sorry. But work and school and other icky stuff caught up with me. Again I apologize profusely!

Disclaimer: I own nothing of the genius that is JKRowling

Before I go I would like to say a few thank you to all of my reviewers.

R: Thank _you_. It feels really great to hear from someone who also has the opinions of the same old James/Lily love stories. I know, Iwrote one of them. And after the 31 chapters, I got bored. So as I was watching a pair of my friends have a "lovers quarrel" for the 100th time, I cam up with this idea. Thank you again for thinking that my story is a good one!

mermermerrrrrrk : thanks for the enthusiastic review, and you would be perfectly correct on the insane part of your review. Thanks again.

PRoNgSMoOnYPaDfOoT: you must wait no longer, have fun, and thanks for the review!!

Zigzag: I hope you feel this chapter is just as wicked as the others, thanks for the review!

littlx1: I promise I will be posting more often again, but not as often as the first four chapters…sorry. I hope this chapter satisfies you for a little while.

R@lie : Yes I have a British friend who I consulted on the using of temperature, thanks!

Ratlie: sorry on the grammar check. I feel that spending too much of my time on grammar check lengthens the time between me posting again…obviously…so I don't do it most of the time. Thanks for the review.


	6. I know the truth

This is the story of two people who have been emotionally and mentally cut off from the world around them. They have been estranged from emotions until these eyes meet up again. What will happen? L/J R for later chapters

Disclaimer: I own no characters, places, ideas, or plots created by Miss Rowling.

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No Longer Estranged chp6

"For the most part fraud in the end secures for its companions repentance and shame." 

-Simmons, Charles

Lily walked through the apartment, slowly looking over James' flat. She wanted to get to know him more, now that they had shared their transcendent experience. Lily smiled looking at a photograph on the mantelpiece, she recognized Sirius, James' friends who had stopped by earlier the day before. There were two adults in the picture along with Sirius and James. Lily figured them to be James' parents, as the mother had his black hair deep chocolate eyes. The father had the tall figure with glasses, except his hair was slightly browner than black and he had gray eyes. Lily moved along the mantle studying the faces in the pictures, the happiness that flooded through their features. Moving and waving in an interesting sort of chaos, that Lily found intriguing. 

But one Picture caught her eye. This one was strange; contrary to the other pictures this one had a cold feel to it. The day was cloudy and there were five figures in the picture. Five boys. One girl. One boy seemed to be lying on the grass, huddled away from the others. Another boy stood towering over him, while the three other watched with some malicious glint. Lily looked over to the girl with mounting curiosity. Why would James have such a morbid picture taken? And why would he keep it? 

Lily reached up to the picture, wanting to get a better look at the faces, especially the girl. The girl was standing off to the side, pointing her wand at the boy standing over the huddled one. She seemed distant, yet familiar. But just as Lily was about to touch the frame that held the ominous photo, a shot of pain screamed through her spinal cord and hit her neck at such force, that the room blacked out. She new she couldn't see, but she heard voices, familiar voices.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" a voice in her head screamed

"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you." Some conceited voice replied calmly to the other.

Lily opened her eyes and saw the room around her start to spin, she felt her body start to calm down, and breathing regulate, when another shot of pain caused a second blackout. More voices came, a new one first.

"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!" 

Lily moaned in pain as this new surge of memories swept through her. She couldn't recognize the voices, she could only hear them, and feel the hate and want contorted within them. Her body felt as if it would explode if one more voice entered her mind, but she wouldn't let go, not yet. She had to recognize the voices; she _had_ to remember something…anything. 

"Bad luck, prongs." Was the last thing she heard before a loud shrill scream pierced the room? She felt herself shaking and convulsing and screaming with horrible dreams. Once more she opened her eyes hoping to see the room about her and not black, but what she saw was even better, James concerned face stared back at her trembling body.

"Lily, Lily wake up. You were having a dream, it was just a dream." James held her close to him letting her take in his warmth, willing her body to stop shaking. Lily looked around the room while holding onto him, bewildered as to what just happened.

She wasn't in the sitting room anymore; she somehow had gotten to James' room…and into his bed, his clothes on her again. Another dose of pain swept through her body, as she felt the blackness coming about her once again. But she wouldn't let it happen without her getting a word into James. The intensity of this torment scared her to the point of thinking after she blacked out again; she just might not wake up. So with a will of strength she pulled herself away from him and looked deep into his worried eyes.

"I love you." She whispered kissing his lips gently before closing her eyes and falling back on the pillow, letting the dark take over.

James just sat there, staring at her seemingly lifeless body. Until something kicked in, he had to get her to the hospital. He had to stop lying, and putting her in danger. Remus had been right, and if Lily had gone into a coma, James would never forgive himself. So with a swift hand, James swept lily up and apparated with her to St. Mungo's hospital. Being a very well known auror he was able to get her into the classified special operations ward, where only VIP's or victims of Voldemort and his followers were allowed to be cared for. This ward was also very good for James' particular needs, as the doctors did not ask the names of the patients unless it was a fatal case.

An attendant led James to a single secluded room in the far corner of the magically enhanced wing. He set Lily up to a magically ran machine that observed her pulse and breathing patterns, and left saying that a medi-wizard would be in shortly to attend them.

James ran his fingers through his hair knowing he was probably going to get fired for missing yet another day of work for this girl. They had slept all through the night and it was now somewhere around 2:00pm the next day. They had both woken up at some point during the day because they had both gotten cold, and felt the need to put clothes on again. James wasn't as emotionally drained as Lily had been so he took the opportunity to take a shower, then got back into bed just as Lily started having her fit.

Lily stirred for half a second, giving the appearance that she would wake up, but to no avail. James walked quickly over to her and sat down on the edge of the bed, holding her hand tightly. He studied her face, the rise and falling of her chest, the way her flaming hair seemed to tumble gently across the cotton white pillows, creating an effect that reminded him of ocean waves. The experience they had shared together was one he'd never forget, the way not only their bodies molded together, but the way their souls and magic seemed to burst into eachother with ease and familiarity was a feeling that could not be mistaken. Love was upon him, whether he wanted it or expected it or had absolutely no clue to its coming, the full reality of his ironic delusions was staring back in the face.

The sound of shoes rapping gently on the floor pulled him out of his reverie. James turned around to see a young woman in white robes and thin rimmed glasses come towards Lily's bed. She had long brown hair streaked with reddish blonde, at the moment pulled back into a ponytail, with bangs that fell just above her eyebrows. Her body type was not so much different from Lily's small and petite except she had more curves and walked with a sort of Spanish flare.

"Good Afternoon. My name is Medi-Witch Cassandra, but you can just call me Cassandra. The entire title is to annoying to pronounce every time you have a question. So I see we've got ourselves a girl unconsciense, huh?" She smiled swiftly getting introductions over with, and heading swiftly to business.

"I'm James and yes, we were back at my flat and all of a sudden she started having these huge bursts of pain, coming from the bottom of her spine to her neck. After a few minutes of it she fainted. I didn't know what to do so I brought her here." James got up from the bed and moved to the other side so Cassandra could get a better look at her. She fluttered about checking vitals, and doing other various things medi-wizards always attend to.

"Has this ever happened before?" she asked not taking her eyes off Lily

James cleared his throat feeling a little nervous for some reason "Yes, once before but she didn't faint."

"Why didn't you bring her here then?" Cassandra raised her eyebrow in question at James.

"Well my friend knows quite a bit about healing so I called him over. She didn't want to go to the hospital, she didn't think it was that serious." He sighed in frustration knowing that most of it was his convincing her it wasn't serious

"Is there anything else I should know about her?" Cassandra pressed knowing something wasn't completely right here. 

James contemplated telling her of Lily's memory loss, but that would lead to too many questions. He figured he'd have Lily be revitalized, and stay for only a day or so until strong enough to return to his flat in Dublin. Hopefully, then, he'd have the courage to straighten things out with her and confess the truth to her. Even though it would undoubtedly end in her departure. So with a quick glance at Lily and a meek smile towards the medi-witch he shook his head no. 

Cassandra frowned as his back was turned on her, looking out the window. Something definitely wasn't right here, James' countenance towards her had gone from the hope of a patients loved one to a defensive criminal. She studied him as his back was turned. His frame had gotten stronger, and his eyes more knowledgeable. Yet there was a sense of loneliness in him that you could feel go away the moment he looked at Lily. She knew him, she remembered him from so long ago. He had certainly changed.

Cassandra walked toward the girl's bed, to check on her condition. She was stable, but she wanted an IV with a strengthening potion to be applied. If it wasn't for the damned policy to not ask names in the special care unit she would have questioned James about the girl. She seemed familiar, yet far away. As if lost in a memory. Cassandra turned back to James who now had his back against the wall and his eyes closed.

"James." Cassandra started softly. But when he didn't respond she echoed a little louder "James!"

He started, looking at Cassandra in question.

"You look like you have been through bloody hell, I think you should go home and get some rest until-"

"No I can't. I'm staying with Li-" he stopped himself before he said her whole name, not wanting to find out that this witch might have known Lily in the past or right now. "I'm staying with her. And if I decide to go home I can't go home because I have to go to work as I have missed about three days already." He sighed and collapsed into a near-by chair.

Cassandra sat down in a chair next to him and gave an encouraging smile "You must really like this girl to have missed three days of aurors work. You are an auror I presume as you have access to this ward." James nodded in compliance "Well, even though it is none of my business to intrude on my patients personal matters, I say you go to work and explain…whatever has been going on at your home" James grinned at Cassandra's hints "then by the time you come back, as I'm sure you'll have quite a time explaining to Mr. Moody about this, I promise you" Cassandra looked down at the girl quickly remembering the name of the childhood friend the girl had reminded her of, Lily. "She'll be as beautiful and healthy as ever, and ready to go home I might add."

James smiled knowing this would be the smart thing to do, missing the hesitation in her reassurance. But whenever James looked away from Lily he felt as if a person could walk right through him and not notice him standing there. She made him complete, and strong. The past day had been so beautiful, just lying together and making love. He had never felt so absolute in his life. He had always been so far away from everyone, especially as of late. But that moment he saw her in the muggle coffee shop, all time had stood still and he had found the person he needed to spend the rest of his life with.

He sighed at Cassandra's expecting face, and nodded getting up and walking slowly to Lily bed. He enclosed her hand within his and kissed her gently, saying a mental farewell for now. With one last glance at Lily he turned back to the medi-witch and smiled.

"You said I must really like this girl to miss work. I do really like her. In fact, I love her with all my heart and soul. She's my everything so-"

"Don't worry Sir, she's in good hands. A lucky girl she is to have someone to watch over and care for her like you do."

"Thank you. Oh umm, there are two men, they're my friends, who will probably be coming to check up on Lily." He whispered feeling his body edge to Lily's bed again. 

"May I ask their names, sir?" Cassandra pressed a little

"Remus and Sirius are their first names, you know very well that last names are-"

"Irrelevant, yes I do sir." Cassandra backed down from her high horse and watched as he apparated back to his flat to get on some suitable robes for work.

Cassandra glanced over at Lily's pained body, and walked swiftly over to it. She whipped out her wand and whispered _"ennervate'_" Lily stirred wincing in pain as the light flooded her eyes and the throbbing in her spine increased. And just as she was about to let out a horrid wretch of a scream she was silenced by a numbing sensation going through her body.

"This potion will help you numb the pain and have your wits returned, although your mobility will be constricted to just head movements for a short while."

Lily looked about her and sighed, realizing that James must have brought her to St. Mungo's. "James!" she cried out "Where is James? Is he all right?" Lily tried to get up and go search for him, but as the only part of her body she felt moving was her head and the slight twitching of her left big toe, the probability she would be able to get up and walk around were quite slim.

"Sshhh" Cassandra hissed on the edge of Lily's bed moving a piece of hair that had fallen over Lily's eyes "James has gone off to work to explain his absence these past few days,"

"How did you-"

"He told me now, shush. Dear, you absolutely have no obligation to answer the next question I am about to ask you. But if you would please, just for conversation's sake, what is your name."

Lily chuckled at the girl's nervous state "Lily Evans, and what is yours, if you dare to tell me?"

The girl smiled at her knowingly "Cassandra. I'm a medi-witch here at-"

"Cassandra? Your name is Cassandra?" Lily cried in stupefaction. She had been wondering why this girl had looked so familiar these past few moments, and she realized it was the Cassandra from the memory she had had. 

Cassandra chuckled lightly "Yes, do you remember me, Lil?"

"No…well yes! I mean, I do now, but I didn't before. This is so wonderful. I just want to get up and do a dance but I bloody can't." She yelled through happiness and frustration at her temporary paralization.

Cassandra looked down at her confused, what does she mean she didn't remember her but now she did? But something else had been clouding her mind before this outburst. 

"Lily, can I ask you something?"

Lily snorted "Sure, it's not as if I'm going anywhere." Cassandra grinned at the familiar dry humor

"What were you doing with James Potter?"

"What do you mean?" Lily felt a spot of pain in her spine indicating the potion was wearing off. So she attempted to push her self up to face Cassandra better, wanting an explanation to the question. Cassandra walked over and propped a pillow up behind lily's back making it more comfortable for her to sit up and move as little as possible.

"I mean when have you and James Potter been friends, let alone lovers?" Lily furrowed her brow in confusion. She knew that this girl was a friend, her memories and the kindly feelings towards her told her this. But why was she saying that her and James didn't like eachother in school?

"You two practically desp-"

"Hey lily-kins." Lily looked up as Sirius Black strolled through the door with a big grin. "James told me you were here, so I figured I might as well come in to check up on you, as my dilatoriness would not permit me to visit yesterday. So here I am. And who is this beautiful young witch?" Sirius looked over at Cassandra who's back was turned to him. Lily noticed how Cassandra's semblance seemed to diminish once Sirius addressed her. Her eyes had gone vapid as she stared hard the cotton white bed sheets, desperately trying to avert all attention from her. She begged that Sirius maybe wouldn't notice her. That if she somehow stood stock still and blended in with her surroundings he'd dismiss her as some figment of his imagination. Sirius' attention however was never averted from a pretty female specimen in the room.

"Oh come on I don't bite." He took her arm and spun her around quickly trying to surprise her or make her laugh, but the stock still face of Cassandra Grenelle staring back was no comfort to him.

"Cassy…?" Sirius looked from Cassandra to Lily's perplexed and now pained expression as the potion was almost fully worn off. Sirius pulled Cassandra out from Lily's room and whispered to her.

"What have you said to lily? Cassandra please tell me what you've told her." Cassandra tried to pull away from Sirius' firm grip but he wouldn't let her go. His intent was for James and lily's relationship at the moment, even though his heart was going at a rapid speed.

"Nothing of importance."

"What of your past together? Your friendship, what have you told her?"

"Why does it matter so much? What have you and James Potter done to her? Brainwashed her? How is it that Potter is in love with Lily Evans? The very Lily Evans who wouldn't date Potter if it were a choice between him and the giant squid, as I recall those were her exact words…" Sirius smirked at the memory of them by the lake, and the furious look on lily's face once James had asked her out.

"No, she was brainwashed before James fell in love with her. She inhaled Sonamos and for some reason her memory was erased." Sirius loosened his grip on her to make sure she knew he didn't mean to harm her

"You mean the gas from the attack? How is she still alive?" 

"I know, most of the victims suffered fatal injuries, massive brain damage, or paralyzation. But I've never heard of Sonamos instigating memory loss. Anyway, James found her and brought her back to his flat to rest and once she woke up he moronically as he so correctly put it,-"

"Told her they were friends in school and that she was staying over to get away from family troubles." Sirius and Cassandra looked over a very worn very frenetic looking Remus Lupin. "Sirius if you are telling her to go along with this lie, then I am going to-"

"To what Moony? Break both their hearts? Look at the girl, she is madly in love with James and he is _somehow_ madly in love with her."

"_Somehow_?" Cassandra snorted indignantly "I am astounded as to how Lily ever fell for a conceded, egotistical, prat like James. He was everything she's ever despised in a man, as she made quite clearly to you all back at Hogwarts." Cassandra was quite put off by these past events. She, like Lily's former self had always hated chauvinistic, narcissistic men. And the 'marauders' (James, Remus, and Sirius' group nickname in school) were the prime paragon of this type of man. They were irresponsible, unreliable, and just plain annoying.

"_Was_ being the operative word, _Cassy_" he hissed out venomously using the nickname that she let only Lily call her. Except, Sirius figured out that she didn't like anyone else but Lily using the name, so he used it purposely just to get a rise out of her. 

"Oh I'm so sure that in a matter of years he's undergone this dramatic change that could make him into a good person." She shot back sarcastically

"Try in a matter of weeks." Remus finally spoke up after Sirius had pushed him down. Cassandra raised her eyebrows in question looking at the sullen Remus. He had changed so much since the last time she saw him, which granted was almost a decade ago, but never-the-less they were still quite young. Remus looked to be 40 years older, at least in spirit. But Cassandra had always noticed this about Remus in the short period of time that she had known him.

"What?" she asked quietly, calming down slightly and looking over at Sirius. She was surprised to see a grim face meet hers. She turned back to Remus for an explanation.

He sighed in resignation and started by running his hands through his graying hair "After graduation something terrible happened to James' family. To all of them, but him."

"What happened?" Cassandra persisted at Remus' pause. He looked at her in enervation and continued

"They died." Cassandra put her hand over her mouth and gasped "Voldemort knew of James' families strong urges and fighting against his plot, and how they were making a difference. So the day of the commencement ceremony at Hogwarts they were killed. The next day James found them at home…mutilated. From then on his life really didn't have any meaning."

"He would go wandering aimlessly around all of London for days at a time. Sure once he got his job he was able to focus more. But he focused on the death and destruction of Voldemort and his Death Eaters." Sirius jumped in, recalling that horrible time in James' life.

"But we were worried because he was focusing on death all day long, no matter who's death it was, it was still death. And the thought of death constantly, would have driven him insane."

"No to sound pompous or anything, even though you think that every word out of my mouth is selfish and pompous, if it weren't for Remus and Peter and I, James would probably be dead."

Cassandra took all this in for a moment, staring at the floor, debating the situation. She looked up at Sirius with a firm face after a few moments and frowned. "Listen, I'm sorry about what happened to James and his family, I truly am, but that does not excuse the fact that he is toying with Lily's life. She has no memory of anything, of her friends, her home, her life, her job, which she did have one by the way. And probably doesn't anymore thanks to your mate. No matter what way you look at it, James is "

"But Cassy, they fell in love." Sirius tried to reason with her, taking her hand gently. Causing a rush of pain to sweep through the others hearts. "Surely, you know what blindness is involved with those circumstances."

"But Sirius, she fell in love with him, because she who he was. Do you honestly suspect that if Lily had woken up at James' flat and still had her memory, that the results would have been the same?"

Sirius didn't have an answer for that. He knew in his heart that James had been completely in the wrong with what he did. But the look on James' face when he was with Lily, or even talked about her, was all worth it. He hadn't seen James truly smile for such a long time, that it felt like the Prongs he knew, had died with his family that day. But now all of a sudden, once James saw the look on his face as he gazed into Lily's eyes, nothing was wrong in his life.

"Bollucks, am I bloody lucky that Moody didn't fire me." Cassandra, Remus, and Sirius looked up as James walked through a pair of swinging doors and headed towards Lily's room. His hair was even more ruffled than usual, and his face was as pale as a ghost. But as most people who work as Aurors under the command of Alastor Moody say; One look from Mad Eye Moody's Magical eye, and your soul will have jumped out of your body and gone to a mental institution.

They all stood there staring at him not knowing what to do, it was now up to Cassandra to decide whether Lily found out James' deceit. She didn't know how to handle it, what she truly needed was some time with Lily to estimate whether she was most definitely in love with James, or just under some sort of trick or prank. Cassandra put on her work ethics face and walked smiling over to James. Sirius and Remus stood with baited breath as she approached him.

"Mr. Potter." She smiled and shook his hand "Lily is doing fine, but I would like to have her stay for a little longer if you don't mind. There are a few more tests I would like to run before supplying you with a final corollary on her situation" she glanced over at Remus and Sirius at this last double meaning.

"No, not at all. In fact-" James eyes darted to where Cassandra's previously were, and they landed on Sirius and Remus. He smiled and walked over to them giving each a brotherly hug and handshake "Thanks for coming to watch over her, mates. It means a lot to me! When did you two arrive here?"

"Moments after you left sir, so why don't you and your friends go get a cup of coffee for about a half hour, than come back I'll tell you what I think. I also think that by then, Lily will be able to tell you for herself." James felt Remus and Sirius shift uncomfortably around him as they stared hard at the ground and diverted Cassandra's gaze. He felt something wasn't right, in a sort of omniscient sense. But he went along with her anyway.

"Can I see her for just a moment?" Cassandra nodded and let him in

"But only for a moment, sir" James smiled gratefully at her as he walked swiftly into the room and spotted Lily leaning against the bed. One hand on the bed for support, and the other massaging her forehead with a pained expression on her face.

James walked quietly in front of her and wrapped his arms around her body. He smiled guiltily as he felt her shiver with excitement at his touch.

"James." She whispered relaxing into his arms, and wincing as pain set through her body. 

"Sshh. I'm here, you're all right." He put a hand under her chin and lifted her lips to his, kissing them softly, yet with a passion they both immersed each other in. As he pulled away and inched away from her body she frowned in question at him.

"I'll be back in a half hour." Lily grabbed his hand and pulled him back toward her body, preventing him from moving back towards the doors.

"Why do you even have to go? I want you to stay with me, James." Lily whispered as she lay her head on the crook between his neck and shoulder. James shuddered in titillation as she kissed his skin, but reluctantly pushed her away.

"Because the doctor says she needs to run a few more tests, then you'll be good as knew…and I can then take you home" he whispered huskily, causing her body to tremble. He forced a smile at her knowing lily knew he was putting it on just for good measure. So he gave her another hug and whispered in her ear "I love you." Then with a small nip at her loab he pulled away, making her squirm.

"I love you too." She grinned back tracing a line from his eyes to the soft crevices of his lips. James opened his mouth slightly and kissed her fingertips, relishing in the contact of skin between them.

"I'll see you later then." As he turned to leave he spotted the medi-witch Cassandra leaning against the door with a stunned look on her face.

"Are you all right?" James laughed to himself 

She nodded not being able to verbalize her stunned thoughts. She had watched the loving exchange between James and Lily. And the part that stunned her most, was that the whole of it was loving. From the moment they had looked into each others eyes, Cassandra could feel the intense heat flowing between the two. In her most wildest dreams, she never had imagined Lily Evans and James Potter falling madly in love.

"I'll be back in a half hour Ms…"

"Grenelle." She replied still in a daze walking to check on Lily's vitals.

"Grenelle?" James asked as a light bulb went off in his head. He was about to ask if she meant the Cassandra that dissapeared form Hogwarts all those years ago. But Remus and Sirius, spotting the look of revelation grabbed him by the arms and walked him towards the coffee room, filling him in on what has been going on at work and in the world as James and Lily were in their emotional hibernations.

Once Cassandra had her wits about her again, and was sure that James was clearly out of hearing reach she actually noticed that Lily was out of bed "Lily you really should be in bed, you're putting pressure on your already weak legs by standing up." Lily rolled her eyes at Cassandra and climbed into the uncomfortable hospital bed. She watched as Casandra's facial expressions changed from shock, to acceptance than to amusement at lily's eye rolling.

"Cassandra, I can't remember much. But I remember you. I remember how much you meant to me, and how much it hurt when you left." Cassandra sat on the bed with a sigh. She knew this would have to come up eventually, especially if Lily remembered her from Hogwarts.

"You want to know why I left?" Lily nodded gently, not wanting to press the matter if Cassandra was uncomfortable "My family was murdered by Voldemort…you remember him ri-"

"Yes I remember Voldemort." Lily interrupted impatiently. Cassandra raised her eyebrow at Lily's rudeness but continued anyway

"So I had to move back to France to live with my aunt and uncle. Even though I had only lived in Hogwarts for a short period of time, I don't feel there was any other place in the world that I could feel so much at home. And I'm sorry for not writing, but I felt that if I wrote you, you would be in grave danger. Even more danger than from being a muggle born."

"Why did you think I'd be in danger if you wrote me? I mean, even if our owls were intercepted, it's not as if the ramblings of teenage girls would be of any consequence to Voldemort and his Death Eaters." Lily questioned, feeling hurt more by the minute, as the memories of hers and Cassandra's fun times started to leak back into her mind.

"I don't know Lil, all I know is that you were my best friend, no you were more like a sister to me, and losing you would just have been like losing my family all over again." Cassandra had taken Lily's hand and squeezed it tight, somewhat relieved to have gotten her friend back from the years of separation.

"So, that we've gone through that, what is the deal with James?" she started slyly

"What do you mean?"

'Well, when he came in here before I could have fried an egg in between you two, there was so much heat." Lily giggled at Cassandra's spat, but regretted it as pain went through her head. Cassandra noticed that her heart beat had accelerated on the monitors, so she went to give lily another dose of the pain killer.

"Oh no, if you paralyze me again, the moment I can move again I will cut your hands off."

"Lil it's the only thing I can give you for the pain." Cassandra tried to reason with her. She didn't need Lily going unconscience again once James returned.

"The pain will go away eventually, it did last time. What did Remus give me?" Cassandra frowned at her resistance

"Remus probably gave you an illustrious list of illegal potions. Granted you felt better but if used on a regular basis they could become addictive." Lily frowned at this discovery, so she laid back into bed, however still refusing the potion Cassandra wanted to give her. Cassandra reigned herself to Lily's stubborness and set out on her mission of judgment.

"Anyway, back to James…do you love him?" she cut right to the point

"I've never needed anyone as much as I need him. It's so strange though, because the moment I laid eyes on him, after I woke up at his flat that is, I felt an instant attraction. I mean, before this I don't think that I believed in real love."

"So how do you know if what you think is love isn't being mistaken for just a sexual attraction?" Cassandra had the memory loss potion in her right pocket and if she was convinced that Lily wasn't truly in love with James, her memory would be returned within moments of drinking the potion.

"I don't. All I know is that there are no words, other than love, to describe what I feel for him." Cassandra was beginning to doubt Lily's resolution.

"But lily, matters like this need time-"

"I think your being completely unfair Cassy." Lily sat up on the bad in defence, she didn't like how Cassandra was being so protective and interrogative.

"I'm just trying to make you see how long it truly takes people to fall in love, Lily."

"Listen Cassandra just because it took you years to realize you were in love with Sirius and are to cowardly to admit it-"

"Lily!" Cassandra jumped up from the bed, astonished that Lily had just remember that information and not felt any pain. Something was happening to her.

"No, you listen to me." Lily pushed herself out of the bed and stood facing Cassandra, again dismissing the fact that pain should have been shooting up her spine.

"When we were kids you told me that love was the most exciting experience in the world, you told me that it could happen to you over 50 years of knowing someone or within in an instance of looking into their eyes. I didn't believe you then. I thought it ridiculous for someone to trust their life with a person they've known for all of 1 minute. But now that I believe you, you're turning your back on it. It was your dream to fall in love and now that you have you won't even talk to him." 

Cassandra knew it was too late to pass judgment on the reality of Lily's love for James. She knew that Lily was madly In love with him, but she also knew as she watched and listened to Lily's angry comments, that if her memory kept supplying her with blind memories to support her feelings, she wouldn't need the memory potion anymore.

Lily had stormed to the closet and pulled out the sweat pants and sweat shirt she had come to the hospital in and started to slip on the pants under her dress gown. Cassandra tried to calm her down, during this pause of Lily's vehement comments.

"Lily please, you can't go anywhere I haven't discharged you yet. All patients who are admitted to this ward must stay at least one night." Lily didn't answer her, she just continued to get dressed and glare at Cassandra every now and then.

"I'm sorry for whatever I said that made you upset Lil, but I'm just trying to look after you. I-"

"I know what this is about." Lily said gravely as she slowly walked towards Cassandra

"You do?" she asked in disbelief

"Yes. You're mad at yourself, and your taking it out on me."

"Mad at myself?" Cassandra gaped at the incredulous comments coming out of Lily's mouth

"Yes, you're mad yourself because you've fallen in love with an ignorant, dimwitted pig. You know what we thought of Sirius."

"Oh dear godric…" Cassandra murmured as Lily's complete confusion came into reality, her anger building up as lily continuously insulted Sirius.

"Your mad because I now have the most wonderful person in the world to spend the rest of my life with and you-"

"Shut up!" Cassandra cried pushing Lily against the wall, and not caring what kind of pain she was in. Lily wasn't only being lied to, but the love she felt for James was so unreal that it made her deviated. The lies mixed in with the truth her mind was feeding her had made her become incomprehensible.

"Hey what's going on in here?" 

Cassandra looked to the door to see James, Remus and Sirius staring at the girls in shock and confusion. They had been keeping James from the room as long as possible, but the Cassandra's last name had sparked a curiosity and worry in him, so they had to go back. What James saw made his blood boil with anger. Lily was smashed against the depressing white walls of the hospital room with Cassandra's right hand squeezed about her throat.

Cassandra looked at James' livid face and rivaled his with her own. "I'm not sorry for doing this. But you should be! You depleted with this girls mind, a mind that held truth and meaning, and beliefs. You have altered everything she has grown to be, to what you wanted her to be!" Cassandra shrieked at James. She took her left hand and placed it inside her pocket extracting a small vivid blue bottle, no bigger than a shot glass. 

"I will not have my best friend used by a disgusting, conceded, toe-rag like you, _prongs_!" she spat out taking the lid off of the bottle and putting it to Lily's mouth. She was ready to force feed it to her if Lily wouldn't except it. But Cassandra's anger stopped as she saw Lily's appalled face. But her eyes weren't in the direction of Cassandra, they were focused on James. So Cassy let down both hands and watched as Lily, trembling with fear and anger walked over to James.

"_Prongs_…" she said quietly "That's what they called you in school." She nodded to Remus and Sirius "Peter too, he called you that. I hated those stupid names. I hated whenever you used them and thought you were to cool to pay any attention to any other being on the planet, let alone the school. I hated the way you all went through girls as if they were nothing but a breeze in the air. I hated…" she stopped herself for a moment and held onto the bed post for support, as her anger now was so full of power that it had diminished the fear and was making her weaker by the moment. Lily rose her eyes and drew them level to James' now tear filled eyes. 

"I hated you." She whispered, fury lining every syllable 

"L-Lily-" James started to walk towards her, just wanting to touch her. But with each step he took she took one backwards.

"Don't touch Me." she screeched "You…you…" Lily took a deep, raspy breath, trying desperately to quell her malevolence. "You lied to me."

James felt his heart break within his chest.

A/N: DON'T KILL ME PLEASE!! I BEG OF YOU! I know you are all hating me right now because I haven't updated for so long, and I'm sure now your hating me even more for giving you another cliff hanger. Please keep reading, I don't care if you review or not, I just want people to read this story this literally came from the depths of my heart. Thank you to everyone who has read, and reviewed or not.

Disclaimer: I own no characters, places, ideas, or plots created by Miss Rowling.

And now for a short thank you to my reviewers.

notfredrt91: I'm pretty sure it's mostly cold in England most of the year as it is to the north. Hey don't shut yourself up, people should be able to say whatever they want, even if it is a little quirky. How else could you explain me? Thanks for the review and keep reading please!

Lilbird: Your wish has been granted, except…he hasn't really said anything…tsk tsk naughty James. I hope you like this chapter!


	7. Regret is sometimes necessary

This is the story of two people who have been emotionally and mentally cut off from the world around them. They have been estranged from emotions until these eyes meet up again. What will happen? L/J R for later chapters

Disclaimer: I own no characters, places, ideas, or plots created by Miss Rowling.

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No Longer Estranged chp 7

"Friendship can sometimes end in love, but love in friendship, never."

-Unknown

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Last time…

"_Prongs_…" she said quietly "That's what they called you in school." She nodded to Remus and Sirius "Peter too, he called you that. I hated those stupid names. I hated whenever you used them and thought you were to cool to pay any attention to any other being on the planet, let alone the school. I hated the way you all went through girls as if they were nothing but a breeze in the air. I hated…" she stopped herself for a moment and held onto the bed post for support, as her anger now was so full of power that it had diminished the fear and was making her weaker by the moment. Lily rose her eyes and drew them level to James' now tear filled eyes. 

"I hated you." She whispered, fury lining every syllable 

"L-Lily-" James started to walk towards her, just wanting to touch her. But with each step he took she took one backwards.

"Don't touch Me." she screeched "You…you…" Lily took a deep, raspy breath, trying desperately to quell her malevolence. "You lied to me."

James felt his heart break within his chest.

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"I-I trusted you with my life." She ran her fingers through her hair, looking about the room in perturbation, hoping to find a reason why he had done this to her, an honest reason why he had took her trust, her body, and her love just to throw it in the bloody trash. In his spent box. But as her eyes finally landed on his crestfallen face, one would think with one look into those tear full brown eyes that she might feel sympathy, or understand why he had completely toyed with her life. But all Lily saw was distrust, she now knew that honest would never be a word that could ever grace the presence of **_the_** James Potter. She held no sympathy for him. She held no pain for him. She held nothing but contempt at that moment.

Lily tightened her grip on the bedpost and looked at James' physical attributes. His usual strong, erect body was now slumped over, in a defensive, guilty, demoralized position. Lily's mind scrolled over her current life, the real one. The one with the job and the family and the friends. The future that they didn't have. A future she would never let herself share with a man who took advantage of her in a weakened state, and made her believe he loved her just to get some kicks. Just for sex. Lily's abhorrence for men, and her disbelief in what James had done to her built up so powerfully in her chest that she felt she needed to release her magic with anger, with pain. So she stood straight and swiftly walked over to James, a look of hope in his eyes, as she was now not even a foot from his face. But with a loud crash of hope and skin on skin, Lily had hit James straight across the face. The power of her hand was supported by so much magic that it caused him to almost fall down, and turn completely around.

He had no strength to look her in the eyes. He had no courage to look her in the eyes as his mind was screaming at him with her hateful words. Her betrayed voice rung in his ears as he felt her just standing there staring at him. Waiting for him to get up and retaliate, to hit her back or to say anything that would cause her to hit him again. Just so he could feel a small inch of the torment he had caused her. But all he did was get up and turn round to face her, a blank expression on his face.

The pallid demeanor fueled Lily's anger even more. 'How could he just stand there without showing an inch of remorse? A small amount of guilt?' But all Lily found on James' face was death. This made her so ferocious she swung back her hand once more and readied herself to hit him. The impact of the hit was the same as the first, James let the sting set in before turning back to look at her, except this time he took a step closer to her. Lily was to intent on the pain she was causing him to care where his feet were leading him. This time Lily pounded her fist against his chest and James took it as if it was a small child having a tantrum.

She couldn't take the anguish she was feeling anymore, his betrayal, and the rape of her life turned from infuriation to desolation. So with a dwindling anger she hit his chest again and again, weaker each time as tears poured from her eyes and she cried out in frustration just wanting him to feel pain. Until she broke down in his arms sobbing, and taking unwanted comfort from his strength.

James cradled her in his arms as they descended to the floor both weak from the pain. For James was also feeling indescribable pain. He felt as if his parents had died all over again, for he knew the one he loved the most in the world would be leaving him forever. Probably in a matter of minutes if she could control her sobs.

Lily pulled away from James, still crying endlessly. But she wanted to look into his eyes once more before she left. She wanted to see the happiness and joy and love she saw just a half-hour ago in his eyes. But this time, what she saw, did break her heart…again. His eyes were dull as if he had nothing to look forward to. She knew that feeling, she knew she would never again wake to James' smiling content face. Or feel his body next to hers. So before she left she needed to know a few things, a few truths.

"Why?" she whispered only audible to his ears. Her body was shaking from the intense emotions plaguing her mind.

James sighed wanting to kiss her tears away once more but knew he would never get away with anything like that again. "Because, with you I felt like life was worth living." He stated simply not knowing a more romantic answer to give her

"How could you fall in love with me at one glance? You saw me half dead and knew you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me?" Lily supported herself on the bedpost as she slowly pushed herself off the floor, wanting to leave his gaze forever, and preparing to.

"There's no way to explain it Lily I-." He sighed in frustration "How did you feel?"

She looked at James in disbelief, he turned the question on her and she just needed to leave. She wanted to go home and curl up in her own bed not living in the world anymore. Not having to prove herself to this stupid world. Not having to show her heartbreak and her love for James. 

"I don't know what I felt James. Maybe it was all an illusion, a side effect of the gas."

"Lil, how could you-"

"All I am certain of, is I can never trust you again. You stole my life from me, James. And no feelings that I had however strong they were, could make up for it. " She walked past him swiftly, stopping only when she felt his hand on hers. That one soft touch sent a thrill of electricity streaking through her body she had known few times before this, and only by his touch. So with a strong will not to break down again, she turned around one last time and kissed him sweetly on the corner of his mouth. James wanted to sweep her up into his arms and never let her go. But that would be imprisonment, and hadn't he already subjected her to enough of that?

"I'm so, so sorry, Lily. Please-oh god please don't leave me." He begged quietly so only she could hear his words. So only she could feel his hot breath on her skin, making it tingle with the gentle sensations.

Lily took James face in both her hands and studied it. He truly loved her for some reason unknown, and she loved him for that same reason. When he was there the world had seemed perfect. Not knowing who she truly was and what her life had been, in way for these past few days had been a blessing. Her life had turned repetitive, everyday, every week and every month the same routine. Work, idleness, the occasional mindless banter over coffee with Caroline and Lisa. A dead family, nobody who ever understood her. And there was James, staring her down with love and pain stewed into one big mess of human emotion. And all the same idleness she had felt for the past few years, until they met once again. 

But now all there was for her to do, was tumble into his arms and hold him until the world crumbled around them. Forever confessing love for the other person, and forging into the night with New Hope and new life. But all she could bring herself to do was force a smile and whisper gently.

"I love you James, and I never want to see you again." So with that she turned on her heel and walked out the door, not caring about hospital policy or the stares she was getting from the other three people in the room. She only kept her putting one foot in front of the other, staring straight ahead, and find the nearest fireplace to floo out of there.

James stared at the spot Lily had been. He touched the spots on his face her fingers had touched. Only moments ago had she been there with him, been in his life. But now, because of his need and the arrogant stupor she had put him in, her life and his would only be connected by a bitter memory. He remembered her scared face when he first saw her after she woke up. Not knowing who or where she was, and pleading with her soul not to hurt her. He felt her worry in her eyes.

He felt Sirius' body come towards him, but he didn't want to be touched at the moment, so he backed away. With one last look at the room he apparated back to his flat in England, not wanting to go back to the flat in Dublin for fear of the memories he might see.

Sirius looked over at Remus and Cassandra. Cassandra's face was flooded with tears, as he could tell by her crestfallen look that her eyes were flooded with guilt. He wondered how she could blame herself? He realized that he was in the wrong, not Cassandra or Remus for wanting Lily to make a choice of her own. But him and James for assuming what the decision would be, and how to keep the fallacies in tact. Siriues walked over to Remus a gave him a nod for goodbye. Cassandra stared at him blankly as he came up to her. Her usual upbeat, snappy disposition was now leaning against the wall for support, and inside, praying for someone to forgive her.

She vaguely felt Sirius' hand touch hers with care. But she couldn't respond to the gesture, all she could hear in her head were the words spoken by the two, now ex-lovers. She had no clue about how powerful this love was. She had just ruined Lily's life and all her hope of happiness. Just because she hadn't trusted James and Sirius. But then her mind snapped back into place. What reason have they ever given her to trust them? They have never both acted kind to her, just because of her friendship with Lily. Who they also both despised in Hogwarts. So why should she have believed that James was telling the truth? He hadn't told Lily the truth, so what reason would he have to tell Cassandra the truth? What reason would Sirius have for telling her the truth? She knew what his feelings were, and she knew what her feelings were but the past and present workings of evil just kept a true relationship from blooming. But now it seems the past was all along the true reason for their resistance.

She returned to the world from her blank remorse to tell Sirius off, and blame him for all of this. But all she saw was Remus giving her a nod goodbye and dissaparating back to wherever he went. So Cassandra went and punched out of work saying a family emergency just came up and that she had to leave work for a few days. Lily would need her for quite a while…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Lily had apparated back to her flat in London. Her home was a quaint, small apartment furnished with comfy love seats meant to be occupied by a couple of some sort. People who snuggled up together, for a warm winters night in front of the fire. But she was sitting there alone at the moment. So alone that all the friends in the world could not reach her ears. She had no lover to comfort her after a nightmare; she had no special someone to cozy up with for some hot tea and hunny. At least not anymore…

No words could now describe the fire burning up her heart. She didn't exactly know why she felt so betrayed. One would expect a trick like this pulled from James Potter, it was just the affirmation of his monstrous nature. All the years she had known him, he would say horrible things to her. Such as making fun of her younger fiery red hair, or calling her a teachers pet. Only small impish comments such as those, but those were the ones that stung the most for some reason. She would have been able to stand up to him fully if he had denounced her family name, or if he had claimed prejudice against her muggle heritage…mudblood was the word she heard from the truly horrible students. But he would only sink to a level that she herself would have had to sink to, to get back at him. 

But James was the opposite of calling a person a mudblood, denouncing one for their parents' blood was a step he would never have taken. And she hated him for it in school. If only he had sunk that one inch lower she could have been the better person in their games and brawls. Her not admitting blood into the snippy comments, and him trying every interval and idea to hurt her.

As Lily gazed into a fire another memory returned to her…as not all have been completely restored. An instance, one lonely hour when Lily and James had quelled there anger, and somewhat felt a preview of the tremendous feelings they had for each other now. He was a seventh year, and her a fifth year. She remembered they were serving a detention for shooting spells at each other during a study break in the library, and it was the night before the seventh year commencement ceremony.

"I can't bloody believe you've given me a detention tonight of all nights, Evans!" James grunted as he threw a rag full of smelly polish onto a special service award. 

"Don't blame me _Potter_" she snapped back with the same vehemence. She had been looking forward to a night out with her friends in Hogsmeade. All her exams were over and she had passed wonderfully, save a couple subjects. Studying straight through a twenty-four hour day for about two months before the actual exams could accumulate some stress, so blowing off steam in the Three Broomsticks seemed like a fabulous idea. 

"You're the one who had to cause a ruckus in the Library. Couldn't you have acted civil for once in your pathetic life?"

"Civil? Never heard of the word, besides, if I ever acted civil, how could I torture my favorite ickle carrot top?" he poked her back playfully, taking pleasure in her aggravated huffs and puffs.

"Cut it already, will you? You've been going on about the color of my hair since my first year. Don't you think the topics gone a bit off colored?" she tried to persuade him to use some alternate route of teasing, she had always been sensitive about the outgoing color of her hair.

"Never, Evans." James grabbed her wrist and pulled her close to him forcing her to look him in the eyes. Her stunned look made him grin evilly in his ever-playful mood. "For your fiery red hair is the cause of you fiery red temper, and those beautiful green eyes of yours just make you look more like a dragon than ever!"

Lily dismissed the dragon comment and focused on the word beautiful. Had James Potter actually just given Lily Evans a sort of compliment? Or was it her imagination? But she realized her ears were in complete working order as she saw James' face convert from an evil grin, slowly into a look of realization, embarrassment, and shock. Their bodies were very close and James was still hold Lily's hands tight in his, for some reason not wanting to let go of the feeling her soft hands held within them. Lily face was matching her hair the more she stood there, not exactly hating the feeling of his body so close to hers and not intending harm, but rather she was uncomfortable. So she pulled away and regrettably continued polishing the trophies. After a moment she heard James clear his throat and continue doing the same. 

It was about ten minutes before they talked to eachother again, except this time without the bitterness and spite.

"What are you doing over the summer Evans? Playing with your little friends?" he hadn't intended to sound as if he was mocking her, he just want to ask a simple question. But lily heard the tone, but luckily due to the pink that still lingered in her cheeks, she dismissed the tone of the remark.

"No, I go home, to be with my family."

"Ahh, mother, father…sibling, I presume?"

"You presume correctly about the sibling, I have an older sister." She saw a look of confusion on his face. "She is as muggle as they come, that's why she didn't attend Hogwarts."

"And did I presume incorrectly about your parents?" James asked gently. He knew something was abnormal about Lily's family, for her parents had always been a touchy subject that she would usually shy off of. But for some reason, not tonight. 

"Yes…" she replied softly "My parents died last year." An uncomfortable silence ensued after this comment.

"Mine too. Well not my parents…my brother…and my two sisters." He replied looking back at her. She whipped her head around in sympathy and a sort of shock. She would have never thought James' family would have been different or broken. "I was a fifth year when they died." He began in difficulty, as if this story had been told few times and far between. "My parents and I were at the Quiditch World Cup...Laura and John couldn't go because of work problems, too busy to bother with childish games. And Elizabeth…" James closed his eyes and swallowed hard, the familiar feeling of regret coursing through his heart to his stomach. "She was just a little girl, three years old and too young to be attending a loud Quiditch match…we came back home the night after the game finished and…" 

They looked at each other and shared an uncommon bond, and a question each knew the other just had to ask. So the question went unsaid, but the answer was unfortunately mutual.

"Voldemort?" They asked keeping their eyes steadily on the others, concentrating on keeping sensitive emotions from letting loose. 

"Voldemort." They both replied simultaneously, for a moment just staring at the other in a new light. As if all those petty arguments had never been, that the others faults were just a small passing that one could forget in an instant. Lily noticed something different about James' face, while gazing intently into this new discovery of a soul. His eyes had an affect of kindness. Beneath all the jokes and childish antics was a person with emotions and understandings of human condition.

They found eachother standing inches away from the other, as if gravity itself had grabbed them by the collar and pulled them to a better understanding…just inches away. Even though James would have been prepared for these types of new and inquisitive emotions, Lily was only a fifth year…and because of her parents' death and the mistreatment of her by her endearing sister…emotion beyond grief, bitterness, estrangement…was just going through the motions.

So with a small twinge of regret she gave James a meek smile, and returned to the trophy she had been polishing. James, realizing that though they had shared a moment of understanding, even a small affinity between them could be non-existent. So with one last glance at the other they took in the understanding and returned back to their polishing, and odd lives. The next day James tripped Lily in the corridor walking back to the common rooms, and she forgot of his brother and sisters. Lily turned James' hair green and silver, and he forgot about her parents. They both rekindled the flame of dislike in their bodies.

Lily returned to the real world when she saw a body emerge from the flames she had been staring into.

"Good Godric Lily!" Caroline shrieked rushing over to her and throwing her arms about her neck. Lily kept her body still but put her arm on Caroline's back. Converting back to her old life would be a painful process.

"Lisa and I thought you were dead, we went everywhere to look for you…the ministry, the muggle police…your sisters house." She shuddered and Lily gave a small smile of appreciation.

"I'm fine Caroline, I've been in the hospital these past few days. The gas in Diagon Alley made me…lose my…memory for a few days, but beside that I'm all right." 

Caroline smiled at Lily and flipped her hair over her shoulder in that affected way, but soon her expression changed from relief to absolute disgust. "Lily what in Gods name are you wearing?"

Lily glanced down at James' sweatpants and sweatshirt and felt the urge to never change out of those clothes again. She put her arms around herself in a protective manner, as is saying to back off those sacred shrouds, scented with James. But Caroline shrugged her odd manner of behavior off and stood up taking out her wand.

"Let's apparate over to Lisa's house so she knows you're all right, OK? Lily what's the matter?"

Lily's face had gone blank as she went to reach for her wand, when she realized she had never had time to put her wand in her pocket. Her wand was in her other pair of clothes. Her clothes were back at James' flat. Her wand was back at James' flat.

She would have to go back.

A/N: Again I ask all my wonderful, wonderful readers to forgive my slow pace. But as you know I am writing this for my own personal reasons not just to get reviews. Although your reviews have really given me confidence in this story. I started out unsure of myself whether I should post it or just keep it for myself, but you all have truly inspired me to shar it with others So I thank all of you, even to those who don't review. For you just to take time out of your day to read this is a gift to me, so again thank you. Now I'm sorry to say this but, don't hold your breath for the next chapter because as usual I have no clue as to when I'll have it out. It could be a week a few week, or maybe even a few months. I don't know. Just keep reading and I'll be happy.

Six83: I'm happy you're enjoying reading this. Umm, I don't know how many chapters I am going to write, and I apologize for the cliff hangers…I actually sort of enjoy writing them so I'm afraid you should expect more. Which completely makes me a hypocrite as I too despise cliff hangers when I read them. Keep on reading my story, and thanks for the review.

LilyEvansPotter3: I hope you are satisfied with this chapter as much as you were with the last one! Again, sorry for the cliff hangers…they're just too much fun! Thanks for you review!

miss-mags-ak: Here's more!

littlx1: Wow, I'm one of two on your favorites list? Thank you! Sorry for the cliffhanger…wow you guys really don't like those do you?

madam me: I've read stories that have made me shake with excitement before, and they were much more intense than mine. But I know what you mean, and thank you for actually thinking that mine story is up to such a high caliber!

Lilbird: OK there might have been a mistake in my writing that I am just now realizing. At the beginning of this story I was confused over the names of Lily's friends. In the first chapter there was mention of a girl named Lisa once or twice than her name for some odd reason changed to Cassandra. I suppose that I was writing Lisa's character while I had the paradox of Cassandra's character in my head. So the Cassandra at the beginning of the story is not the Cassandra that is in Lily's memory and at the hospital. Again I am very sorry. And I must ask…why do you hate Cassandra? In my opinion she is one of the few morally correct characters in this story.

Abittooopinionated: I cannot tell you how much your review meant to me. I have NEVER received a review to that extent. What you said truly made me proud to be the author of this story. There are no words I can say to express the gratitude I feel toward you so I'm going to narrow it down to 2 simple words: THANK YOU!!!!

Well that's all folks…click in for the next chapter. And I truly hoped you liked this one. Thanks again for reading!

Disclaimer: I own no characters, places, ideas, or plots created by Miss Rowling


	8. Reflections

This is the story of two people who have been emotionally and mentally cut off from the world around them. They have been estranged from emotions until these eyes meet up again. What will happen? L/J R for later chapters

Disclaimer: I own no characters, places, ideas, or plots created by Miss Rowling.

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No Longer Estranged chp 8

"But sad as angels for the good man's sin,

Weep to record, and blush to give it in."

-Pleasures of Hope. Part ii. Line 357.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~

__

Last time…

"Let's apparate over to Lisa's house so she knows you're all right, OK? Lily what's the matter?"

Lily's face had gone blank as she went to reach for her wand, when she realized she had never had time to put her wand in her pocket. Her wand was in her other pair of clothes. Her clothes were back at James' flat. Her wand was back at James' flat.

She would have to go back.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

There she was sitting by the lake with her insipid friends. Probably having some asinine conversation about boys or what color nail polish would match their house colors best on their robes? He didn't care what they were talking about; all he cared was that he could see the shimmer of her hair in the sunlight. The glow of her eyes whenever she laughed at a joke or gleam as she flipped her long wavy hair over her shoulders. For some reason every time the sun graced her creamy white skin it glowed with such luster, that you could have mistaken her for an Angel.

She had taken off her shoes and socks and dipped her small feet into the lake, twirling the water, fascinating herself with the design of ripples being emitted from the motions. He made sure that every instance she glanced anywhere towards his direction, he would look casual, as if her presence wasn't worth being acknowledged by his higher being. Occupying himself with some equally fake little object or study, or conversation. Little did anyone in the school know, her presence was worth every moment of his day, and every breath he took. Nothing could compare to the short seconds he stood next to her, or even within a few feet of her, nothing could compare to that tumbling feeling he got whenever her eyes met his, for the briefest of passings. Those moments in his day, was what made it for him.

Of course, being who he was, he could never express these vast feelings to one of his friends, teachers, brother, or sisters, or even his parents. Who would expect a bloke who's main prerogative in life is to pull pranks, be the best at everything in the school, then rub all the other students' faces in it would have actually accumulated some sort of deeper emotional feeling for someone-no not just someone- the one that could make his life happiest at all times. Happiest throughout life's endeavors, happiest throughout pain and extravagance, worship, and divinity. 

But no, she was to far away for her to catch the intensity of his emotions. He figured she was probably to young to understand them anyhow. So he reached for the snitch…one last time.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The ceiling seemed to stare down on him; the room was black, lamps shut and shades drawn. He waited patiently for his clock to sound for him to wake up and face him towards his executioner. Otherwise known as his boss, Alastor Moody. It had been three days since the scene in the hospital and James had gone back to work the past two, he had been avoiding his boss ever since. And thankfully there had been no more attacks while he was on his vacation of pleasure and lies. Lies. Lie, Liar. Those words flashed on his face whenever a piece of glass or water would reflect his broken down form. Her voice speaking the words. Her betrayed, hateful, broken voice. He's destroyed the only person he had loved in that way. But what if he was wrong? What if it hadn't been love, just some onset of severe attraction? She was amazingly seductive, and sexy…it could have been mere physical attraction. And these feelings of hurt and pain he was experiencing…were all just sexual. Nothing was actually loved, yeah, that was it. It's not love…just physical attraction…severe physical attraction.

Beep.Beep.Beep.

Time to get up…

*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Potter." James picked his head up from the paperwork he had been filling out, as a rush of panic filed through his body. He recognized that gruff voice.

"Potter, in my office now." Moody croaked out in that commanding tone he owned. Just one word from this man could terrify you, yet register the highest level of respect for any one person you've ever met. James experienced both feelings. But the emotion coursing through his veins as he followed his superior to his office, was pure anxious terror. The possibilities of what he was going to say to him were limitless. He could have his title as an Auror taken away, he could be congratulated on saving someone's life…or he could be fired. Which was the option James' sub-conscious was leaning towards. So as he closed the door behind him and set himself in the chair facing opposite of Moody's tense expression, only the worst was to be expected.

"Potter…you missed work" he started shortly waiting for a reply

"Yes sir." James said trying desperately to keep eye contact with Moody.

"Do you know how many days you missed…Potter?" 'Keep eye contact, just keep eye contact and he has to trust you."

"Potter?" he said again but with vehemence

James cringed inwardly as Moody basically spit out his name, as if it was something foul that didn't deserve to be inside the walls of the ministry.

"Yes…sir, I miss-"

"That doesn't matter Potter." Moody rose from his chair and walked around to the one next to James'. He turned it around and sat down facing one of his top aurors, gesturing for James to do the same. "What matters is, why?"

James finished turning his chair to face Moody, just as he finished asking his question. James' head popped up and stared at Moody in a covered confusion. He knew what he was saying, but he couldn't bring himself to understand how he knew.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

__

Dear Remus,

I'm not writing to cause you any personal grief I just need a favor. I vaguely remember you being the most sensible out of his friends, that's why I decided to ask you to do this for, and by all means you owe it. I left my wand at his flat in Dublin, if you would be so kind as to pick it up and return it to me so I can go back to work, I would be ever so grateful. 

Lily 

PS Try not to let on to him about this, thanks. 

Remus closed the owl that he received yesterday with a sigh. He didn't want to go get her wand for her, because if James found out he would only be dragged into the middle even further. But the demeanor of the letter was too cold and threatening to ignore, so he consented and wrote back, and now he was standing in the middle of James' Dublin flat looking through his personal items, feeling like a trader. 

First he breezed through the living room, checking in odd spots, not really using his common sense as to where she probably would have put it…or he would have put it. He checked under couch cushions, under chairs, on top of tabletops. What he was really doing was avoiding the bedroom, the last time James and Lily had been here was when she woke up with the pain, after having sex he assumed. 

Remus wasn't stupid. He knew right from the beginning how attracted James was to lily, even at school. He noticed how James had always let Lily get to him, where if it was one the Marauders saying the comments or Snape, a rival of theirs at school, he would have just put a curse on them, o ignored with the greatest amount of finesse a boy could muster. But when it was Lily spitting out the comments, something made him drag the conversation on longer than necessary. 

Remus had gotten through the living room and the kitchen after a full forty-five minutes of searching through redundant places. So he finally turned himself to the bedroom door and placed his hand on the handle. He knew he was being completely childish, but there was something about the thought of James Potter and Lily Evans that gave Remus a feeling of discomfort. Even if it was just the after workings of sex, which Remus was no stranger to. So with a deep breath, and roll of his eyes at himself, for the ridiculous attitude he was taking towards the situation he turned the doorknob.

"Looking for something, Remus mate?" 

Remus turned around, surprised that James had actually returned to the flat. He suspected it would be most likely a month or more before his return. But there he was, leaning against the fireplace with his eyebrows raised in that superior way he usually had about him.

"Yeah actually I am. Maybe you can help me with it?" at this point he knew he couldn't just keep looking for it right under James' nose and not tell him what it was. True, he owed Lily this but he had been a friend with James much longer than the debt he owed to Lily existed. 

James nodded walking past Remus and into the bedroom. He came out with what seemed to be a bunch of clothes, and dumped them onto the stand next to where Remus was standing. James gestured toward the clothes and sat down on the couch in front of the fire, putting his head in his hands. Remus stared at James for a moment, just observing his figure, and how disenchanted he had been since the other day. After contemplating on how he could cheer James up, he turned towards the clothes and shuffled through them. He found a scarf, a winter coat a few other articles, and finally…a wand.

James felt Remus sit next to him and settle back into the cushions of the sofa. For a few moments they both stared into the fire either ignoring or trying to figure out what to say to the other, eventually James spoke up.

"I came back to gather her belongings. I was going to give them to her in person, maybe just try to explain a little better. But you've thankfully saved me the embarrassment and stuttered words."

"I heard you saw Moody today." Remus wanted to get as far away from the topic of Lily as possible, which turned to work…unfortunately the topic didn't exactly get as far as he had wanted.

"He knew Remus…I don't know how…but he knew what I had done…and just shrugged it off."

__

"No need to go into a full throttle explanation Potter, I already know." Moody fixed James with a disapproving raised eyebrow.

"But sir, I- I don't under-"

"James-" James started at hearing Moody call him by his first name "Don't ask me how, I just do, I always know everything dealing with attacks and your little kidnapping of Miss Evans wasn't exactly inconspicuous."

"Kidnapping? I didn't-"

"Sit down potter and calm down, I'm not going to do anything to you I just want to talk." James in his defense had shot up from his chair; Moody pulled him back down with an informative use of James' last name. As if it was a warning that even though he was giving him advice on some sort of love affair, he was still his boss and he better watch what he said.

"I apparated onto the scene just as you disapparated with Evans to your flat." He held up his hand as he saw James open his mouth to ask something, he most likely already knew the answer to. Stupid questions, Moody couldn't stand them or understand them. "Black told me what was going on, Potter. He told me that you had saved Evans from possible paralyzation, or even death. He told you of those cases from the gas in Diagon alley, didn't he?" James nodded to confirm his question, wondering where this was going. "Thought so, Black could never keep his mouth shut…"

"That's why I try to avoid letting any important secrets on to him." Moody chuckled at the sarcastic tone in James' voice. He knew Potter and Black were best friends, and that James wouldn't wait half a second to tell him of an important even in his life…even though it was true that Black couldn't keep a secret if his life depended on it!

"All right James I have a very busy day ahead of me, cleaning up the mess you left while you just delightedly felt like skipping work this past week. So I'm going to make this short. Do you love her?"

"I don't kno-" James stuttered feeling his face go red up to his ears

"No, you either lover her, or you don't, decide now or I will give you so much paperwork for your absences that you will never see another day on the field."

James stared at Moody in surprise. Why and how would this man want to know of his feelings for her? And why would he let him skip out on work if he had this answer. But James didn't have time to ponder the answer, so he turned his thoughts on her. On the way her hair fell over her shoulders as they kissed. On the way he felt as her skin rubbed against his. On how he dreamed of her scent as they made love. As they entangled their bodies together. He thought of how she took him away from this world, how she made him a real person without having to prove anything to anyone. All he had to be was his self, and all she had to do was be there…for them to be no longer estranged.

Moody watched his face go from confusion, to deep thought, to the purest look of realization that he had ever seen. After all his years of being around and working with people, he had never seen a man so much in love with a woman he hardly knew. But maybe they did know each other, moody thought to himself. Maybe they knew things about the other that was other than physical aspects. Maybe they could sense each other…as he sensed fear on a man…what if they sensed each other? So Moody rose from his chair and gave James a pat on the shoulder, while leading him out the door.

Remus understood what Moody had, while James explained the scene to him. He understood the necessity of James and Lily being together…at least from James' point of view. He had to find out if Lily felt the same way, and since he would be seeing her to giver her her wand back. He would figure it out then. But until that moment, James would have to face it out.

So Remus collected all of Lily's belongings, bid good bye to James, and flooed back to his flat. He put all the clothes and the wand into one big parcel and headed out right away for Lily's apartment that she had owled him. He noticed the little hint in her second owl of how she thought it best for him to owl it to her, but Remus wasn't about to let James sink back into a second depression. So he had to find out if Lily truly loved James the way he did her.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*

"OK, so what exactly happened to you? Where did you disappear to Cassy? Why did you leave?" Sirius asked staring into those big brown eyes of Cassandra's. He had owled her a couple days after the scene at the hospital, and much to his surprise…she wanted to speak to him as much as he did. So here they were at a small café outside of Diagon Alley in muggle London, trying to get re-aquatinted with each other even though all of the events that had happened could possibly put a real strain on their relationship. 

"Well, I didn't just disappear Sirius." Cassandra blushed slightly at his ardent concern

"Well you sure as hell weren't here. And nobody knew, I mean it was the day after I had…" she smiled remembering that moment of pure bliss.

"You kissed me." He nodded, it being his turn to blush.

"Sirius, my parents were both an unspeakable. They had obtained information that put our family in danger…so we had to go into hiding." She had never told anyone the reason why she had left, not even Lily…, as she hadn't talked to her since the day she left until a few days ago. But her feelings for Sirius, never being completely gone, had rekindled such an intense flame that she felt the need to tell him everything…or almost everything.

"But where did you go?" one of his original questions would have been why didn't you write? But now knowing the situation, he understood the need for ceasing contact between them

"I still can't tell you." He noticed her eyes darken with her need for protection of this secret, so he didn't press the matter. But after meeting his slightly hurt gaze, she came to reason. He was an auror so he wouldn't betray her trust. But most importantly…he was Sirius.

"My parents are still there…in India."

"India?!" he exclaimed quite astonished "Why so far?" 

"The farther from England, the safer we were. They only let me come back here when they figured out that the people who got the gist of my parents having the information, well they didn't know that I existed." Sirius felt his body tense up as Cassandra smiled at him. Her sexy lips, now laced with experience, always made him squirm. And sitting there watching him she knew it. When they were younger she would always tease him, biting them, licking them…just to hold him on the edge of his leash. But right now, it was growing shorter and shorter with each smile, each breath.

Watching him squiggle around in his seat had always amused her. The way she felt in complete control at a distance, with him just watching, staring rather, into her eyes…waiting to be let closer. But whenever he took those few extra steps closer to her, the control was instantly his. Once she was close enough to smell his wonderful scent, to breathe in his shape, to touch his body, nothing seemed to hold her emotions back. 

They had had many chances to act out their emotions too. For they not only went to school together, but lived across the street from each other…before Cassandra was taken to India that is. So if James, or Remus wasn't around, there was always Cassandra to bother. There was always Cassandra to talk to. There was always Cassandra to laugh with…and incidentally fall in love with.

But after a few moments of this gazing into each other's eyes, she felt the familiar feeling of nervousness she had felt in the hospital with Lily. It had been so long, and she hardly knew Sirius, what if he wasn't the person she had felt so strongly for in those days.

"Sirus…I don't think we should-"

"Why?" Sirius cut her off knowing where it was going, not wanting to hear it. "What shouldn't we? Why can't we? And don't make up some bullshit story that you would be putting me in danger. You just said it you yourself, those buggers don't even know you exist…so why?" 

'Why?'

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Remus reread the letter one more time making sure this was her apartment number, making sure this was her apartment building. Once everything was double-checked and he made sure he had _all_ her clothes and her wand, he took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and knocked on her door.

A/N: Don't hate me for I love thee ever so much!!! Yes, yes we go over this in every chapter, but I shall say it one more time! Terribly sorry for the delay, truly dearly, sincerely, but I am moving at my own pace. And yes I know this was probably the shortest chapter I wrote, and probably the most skippy (skippy as in skipping from different POV to different POV). I feel I could have done better on this chapter but I wanted to start the next one, I'm quite anxious about what I have planned! OK again just please read this story, you don't have to review in order for me to write more, I'm always going to write more…except when the story is over.

And now I would like to say thank you to those who have reviewed.

Six83: I am happy you like cliff hangers…for I present them quite often..hee hee. Alas I am sorry there will be no meeting between James and Lily for this chapter, and probably not the next one either…maybe not until…well you'll see. Thanks for the review!

miss _mags_ak: Nope Cassandra was the healer at the hospital...I know the names are confusing but I used people from life to incorporate into my story. Thanks you for the review!

Chikadee Potter: My…that was enthusiastic…just kidding. Yes I thought that was different from what I had written before, glad you enjoyed it…even thought it was enjoyment in some sick, deranged way…

Unknown VD: Here's the next chapter, I hope you liked it! Keep reading please!

Abittooopinionated: ::wearing extremely wide grin:: wow, thank you so much!!! I'm so happy you like this story so much, and I hope you like the rest of the chapters as much as the others! Thank you so much again!

-: Skill?? Word dog. Just kidding, I appreciate so much your opinouns and encouragemnt. I most definitely will not stop until I see that the characters meet an end I feel was well fit to the them and the story. Again thank you so much, and I hope the rest of the journey is just as fun.

Leximus2000: I updated as soon as I possibly could, thanks for youre review and I hope enjoy this chapter!

Dangerously In Love: No! No crying please, I mean I'm happy my story connected with you on such an emotional level, but please don't cry, just keep reading…no crying though!!

Tracie: Thank **you** for reviewing!

Lilbird: Well she didn't exactly give him the chance to talk…as she hasn't seen him yet…so you were partly right. YAY! Sorry for crushing your hopes of a reunion. And they probably won't meet for a-whole-nother chapter. Keep reading, and thanks for your reviews!

sissy-6: How do you see this going?? Just kidding…no actually how? That'd be cool, thanks for your review, and I hope you like the next chapter.

Well that's all folks. I hope you like this one, even though it wasn't as conventional as my other chapters, keep reading and thinking. Thinking is good for you, it gives you opinouns!

Disclaimer: I own no characters, places, ideas, or plots created by Miss Rowling


	9. Certainty

This is the story of two people who have been emotionally and mentally cut off from the world around them. They have been estranged from emotions until these eyes meet up again. What will happen? L/J R for later chapters

Disclaimer: I own no characters, places, ideas, or plots created by Miss Rowling.

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No Longer Estranged chp 9

"If we begin with certainties, we shall end in doubts; but if we begin with doubts, and are patient in them, we shall end in certainties."

-Bacon, Francis

A warm welcome wasn't expected. A look of malcontent and vexation **_was_.** And that's what he received the moment Lily opened the door. She was in a terry cloth robe, that fresh look of just emerging from the shower still hovering around her. Her cheeks were still red from the hot water, the red of her hair was darker than usual with the damp, and her lips were more pronounced in the frown she was giving him once her eyes met his.

She had welcomed him in her home with much hesitation, and he could see she was trying desperately to keep up appearances, and not send every hex at him that she ever knew. Although he couldn't understand why, as he was there to bring back her wand and all her clothes. Maybe she was expecting to grab the clothes and the wand, jam the door shut in his face and never have to deal with any of the 'marauders' again.

Unfortunately for her, he asked to come in. he got a good look at the place when she rushed off to make herself look decent for an unwelcome guest. The flat was small, if you could even call it a flat. It was more like a bedroom/living room with kitchen/dining room with bathroom. He was surprised to see that the room he was sitting in was in such a state of disarray. There were clothes flung about the room over random chairs and sofa-side tables. Books also seemed to have been cast from their places on the bookshelves that occupied one of the walls next to a window. Under the window he saw a seat with parchment scrawled all over it. One of the pieces he saw seemed to actually have been torn out of a book. Thinking back on his days in Hogwarts, if the Lily then could see her life now, she would probably have killed herself then and there.

He had thought that he found Lily to be the usual predictable girl. Always on time, always within the correct bounds, and always in control of her own predicament. 'I suppose that's why this…event…came as even a worse shock to her. Everything was right, everything had it's place and time.' But now, her life was just as messed up as the very room he stood in.

"So, Remus." He jumped as her controlled voice emerged from the bedroom "Do you have my wand?" simple as that, no small talk, no bull shit just straight to the point. The sooner she gets this over with, the faster he would leave, or so she thought.

"Yes, and a few articles of clothing I believe belong to you." He looked at the tag of the sweater she had left behind "I don't think James could fit into a size medium for women." She shifted at his name. It's as if he were saying Voldemort over and over again, the longer he staid on that subject, he knew the more and more shifty or anxious she would get.

"Lily, you can't want to forget-"

"No Remus. I can want to forget, thank you very much." She grabbed the bag with her personals and threw them next to her bedroom door, extracting her wand and putting it in her back jean pocket. "Now I would appreciate it if you left me alone, I have a lot of explaining to do to my boss tomorrow when I get back to work and if you don't mind, I would like to write my own resignation speech instead of getting murdered."

She walked briskly towards the door and opened it gesturing for him leave, not willing herself to look him in the eye. But Remus wouldn't let it end that quickly, he came here with a mission, to save his friends humanity. And he wouldn't leave until what was needed had been laid out. So he got up slowly making to leave held the side of the door in his hand, and slammed it shut walking back to the sofa with just as much cool as he had when he began.

"Get out Remus." She hissed quietly, the shock of the loud slam still resonated within her

"Sit down Lily." He stated quietly with just as much force

"Why?" she finally looked up at him, no tears present. She was void of any emotion…only indifference. "What's the point? What, are you going to beg forgiveness on your dear friends' behalf? Why, does he not have the balls to come grovel himself?"

"Lily he may have been in the wrong on the whole lying part"

She scoffed at this "No shit. -"

"But there was no lie in the fact that-"

"No lies? No lies for James fucking potter, is that possible?"

"That he loves you damn it!" Remus threw his hands down and stood up facing her. Her face no longer void, but now full of confusion and doubt.

"Then why-"

"Nobody can answer that except him, and right now he's too ashamed to even mention you."

"He should be…" she mumbled in spite of the powerful feelings of guilt she also felt. For it was also her fault that she was in this predicament. It was also her fault that she stayed there, that she stayed with him those days…that she fell in love. She could have been more persistent with him taking her to St. Mungo's or for him to rectify her memory. But no, he intrigued her. By the slight way his glasses would fall down the bridge of his nose, making him look more studious. By the way when he was nervous, or just needed something to fill the dull seconds…he would ruffle his hair making it even more of a wind blown catastrophe. Or even by the way his eyes would capture her, would suck the oxygen out of her body, and make her drown in those pools of starlight.

"Your right, he should be. But Lily obviously you must feel something for him if this could impact you so hard." He saw something flicker in her expression, a moment of realization, or understanding of some kind.

The truth was James hadn't just effected some small part of her day-to-day living. He had changed her world. When he walked back into her life the feelings of loneliness and estrangement she faced everyday melted away. There was no one that mattered and understood her more than James. Just one glance, that one glance inside the café. She remembered, the whole time she knew deep down inside of her, that mysterious man who had sent waves of heat running through her body with his intense stare and purposeful strides had actually kissed her. Had held her. Had made love to her. He had said he loved her, and he wasn't lying. She knew it. He made her human again.

"Lily?" Lily looked up with a smile on her face at Remus. A sad smile of capitulation, but a glint of joy within her eyes. How could she deny herself the one person that pulls it all together? True he had kept their entire history with eachother completely hidden, but she didn't make it any harder for him to hide any facts. She wanted to be blinded; she liked the feeling of true happiness.

"Do you love him back? If you don't I'll leave and will make sure that you never have to deal with James Potter…or any of us for that matter…in a personal way." Lily reached out and took Remus' hand turning it over, tracing the lines on the palm of his hand. Reading a past that wasn't welcome, that shouldn't be told. She felt the pain he felt each month, the unique circle in the middle of his palm told the story of a young boy and his demons, but that time was not now. Now it was her turn to be justified, her turn to have people who can save her. Her turn to have a love beyond family.

He looked to her, awaiting her answer only to be greeted by the small glint and grin of a girl he once knew.

Once Remus left, Lily was left to her thoughts. These past few days alone she found herself wasting her time by delving into her memories and extracting the ones she thought worth remembering. Times herself and Cassandra scraped by in sticky situations, nearly ruining her perfect reputation with professors. The few happy times she could remember with her parents were nice times to look back on. They were the ones that least reminded her of James.

But now that she knew what was to become of her life, she only wanted to remember the feelings she felt while with James, the stolen glances and secret smiles. She tried so hard to look perplexed and nonchalant around him about the whole quandary. Acting as if it was the only matter of importance, the fact that her heart had beaten faster than she could ever remember in her entire life. Except one other time…it wasn't exactly a happy memory…but it still happened…

__

Lily sat in the dark passageway behind the tapestry of Errol the 3rd on the 3rd floor. She felt alone more than ever now, it seemed her emotions were tripled now. Everything she felt, be it anger or hopelessness tripled as the emotions torn a whole through heart and created a barrier of chains and concrete around it. Nothing mattered anymore anyway. People were just heathens waiting for a kill, or some spot of glory they can be admired in for some stupid or horrendous thing they had done. People were people, nothing-miraculous…just people. All people had a time to die. A tear trickled down her smooth face as she frantically tried to hold in the gigantic sob she wanted to let go.

All people had a time of their own to die, to go on to the next great adventure…but why did some people's adventures have to start so soon?

"Oy watch it!"

"Ah-" Lily now had a reason to let that great sob out, as something large and heavy just fell on to her. Her chest was heaving, her heart was racing, and even though the position she was in was quite uncomfortable (a man by the feel of it, lying on top of her) she couldn't help but want the boy to stay near and keep her warm in the dark passageway.

"Terribly sorry, m'dear" the voice in the dark muttered, although he did not move from the spot he was in. Even through the pitch black, Lily could see the hint of a very big grin with white teeth. She rolled her eyes and pushed him off of her, still not able to recognize the face as she took her previous position against the stone cold wall.

"That's fine, but the next time you feel like tearing off into a pitch black corridor maybe you should bring a wand and use a light charm. That way any unsuspecting bystanders won't be caught in a very improper position." Lily stared at the wall not wanting to know whom it was that landed on her, and the embarrassment she could face if she found out.

"Ah but that is the beauty of dark corridors…is that they are dark. And at best you cannot and should not be seen in the dark." He was being a smart-ass and she knew it. "May I ask the name of the lady I have trampled with such grace."

"I'd rather not-"

"I could just whip out my wand and see with a light charm, as you so kindly suggested." A real smart ass

"I could just whip out my wand and hex you before you even got to yours."

"What if I said I already had mine in my hand."

"Then you would be lying" she grinned for the first time in weeks

"How can you know that, when it is pitch black in this dark corridor, as you said so yourself?"

"Because your hands seem to be situated on both my ankles at the moment." She reached over and tapped his fingers to release her from their slightly painful grip.

"Why you would be correct." He sighed and let go of her, giving her right ankle a little squeeze just to be playful. "All right enough of this, why were you sitting here for me to trample in the first place."

'Because my parents were murdered three weeks ago on Christmas Eve by the most evil bastard of a wizard. Meanwhile, as a result of this attack, and because I am the only magical folk in the history of my family (as far as I know) the rest of my family (albeit, is just my git of a sister) blame and have disowned me. Oh, and if you don't fully comprehend this situation…it means I have nothing! Nada! Done! I'm on the street; I have no money, and nowhere to go. I'm too proud to ask any of my friends for help because they think my family is perfect, and I absolutely don't want any of their pity. So my address at the moment is Hogwarts, no family that will admit it, and no money except what's in my pocket…and that's all muggle. Oh yes, I forgot that. I'm a muggle-born, or what the bigots in this school prefer to call a mudblood. That's why I'm sitting here... and you?'

But all she said was "I just needed some time alone."

"Alone? You could've gone anywhere."

She felt him shifting around, probably trying to dig inside his pockets to fetch his wand and truly use the light charm on her. She figured she should leave, or make him leave at least…before that happened. She didn't need anymore rumors going about the school that concerned her.

"Such as?"

"Your dormitory?"

"Too many girls flitting about and worrying about their hair." This was no exaggeration.

"The library."

"I would feel compelled to study something, and wouldn't have time to my thoughts."

"That's quite repulsive actually, how about a corner in your common room, or by the fireside."

"Again, to much noise from other students to truly concentrate."

"You must really need absolute silence to concentrate…" she ignored this snobby comment "The school grounds"

"It's too cold outside to sit and freeze my arse off."

"The forbidden forest?"

"Are you mad?"

"Are you chicken?"

"Who are you?" she asked fed up with these games

"That's better left unsaid for now, m'dear."

"Well if you won't tell me your name I shall have to be determined not to speak to you!"

"There are other things people can do in the dark without talking." She felt his hand sneak back onto her ankle, massaging it slightly. But she quickly pushed it away, her common sense pushing through her grief, and want of company.

"No thank you, for all I know you could be some ugly pig just trying to get some kicks."

Actually I happen to be a handsome pig trying to get some kicks."

"Please go away…"

She knew her weakness and loneliness was apparent in her voice, she knew he could tell how estranged from the world at that moment she felt, and that he was the only one who knew of her feelings of longing. And she couldn't make herself care less.

"I'm not going to hurt you, you don't have to frightened."

"I'm not afraid of you!" she cried indignantly "It's just-it's just"

"It's just, it's just what? Out with it already."

"It's just like any man to think that a girl would be scared of them. Your all chauvinistic pigs." She felt her anger surge through her as she stood up and readied herself to run for it. "All of you couldn't have one speck of something resembling a soul within you! You selfish bastards! All you want is power and you think, oh look a helpless family let's go tear their lives to shreds!" the tears were flowing freely now.

"Half a moment, I didn't say anything about a family! What are you on about?" He stood up and looked at her as hard as possible within the darkness

"No, I can't go home…I can't go home…" she muttered to herself, the serious truth finally registering in her mind "I can't go anywhere, because you men, you hateful ridiculous shit for brains, fucking git men, you took it all." Her screaming at him and sobbing made her voice go hoarse, whatever she said it hurt to say, but she didn't want to stop she couldn't stop. Even when she felt his arms rap around her, his warm strong-arms protecting her. She still wanted to hate him just for the simple fact that he was the same sex of the man who killed her parents.

"Sshh, someone's going to think I've bloody done something to you." He grinned at her even knowing she couldn't see it.

"You've-taken-my-life. He's-tak-en-my life…" she sobbed onto his chest. His hands wrapped around her wet cheeks, lifting them up to face him. She averted her eyes from his glance, instead watching the outline of her hands on his chest.

"Can I ask-" he started but she didn't want to here it, not from a man.

"Just stop! I don't need any sympathy, I don't want **you**r sympathy." She tried to pull away but he held onto her face. She didn't know what he was doing and her common sense told her to run like hell. But for some reason, her gut told her to stay. And she did…just in time to realize he was only wiping the tears from her face, nothing more.

"Sorry, but I'm not the one crying on **your **chest…am I?" she smiled grimly at this unknown face, wondering how such a stranger, such a cocky stranger at that, could help her with such a horrible event in her life. No matter how passing the moment might have been. He slowly moved his hands from her face, to her upper back, back down to her waist, pulling her body closer to his.

"Now, I think its time that we-"

"Oy!" A voice from down the passageway called. They both stepped away from eachother, as if it was a habit between the two of them.

"Oy James are you in here, mate?" Lily backed away from his even more. James? Not James Potter. Not the most narcissistic person in this school? Lily could see a light approaching them, so she took one last glance at the boy as a slight light graced his face, and sure enough she saw the round rimmed glasses, and blue eyes behind them. With a quick step, Lily ran out from behind the tapestry thanking Godric Gryffindor that no one was there to see the horrible state she was in. But she wasn't safe from embarrassment yet, as she felt a hand grab her wrist and turn her around so quickly that she had to hold on to the culprit so she wouldn't fall down. Once she had a good grip, she looked up to see James Potter staring right back at her. With a forceful shove she was out of his grasp.

"Potter what are you playing at?"

"Shut up Evans and stop thinking about yourself for once!"

She was so shocked at this rebuttal, had this really been the person who had comforted her not moments ago?

"Myself? You're the one who ran int-"

"All right. All right, don't give yourself a stroke. But did you see-"

"No! I have not seen whatever it is your asking me that I've seen. Now would you please run along and learn to become a civilized human being." She started to walk off but turned for one last spit "Or is that too much out of reach for the evolution of your gender?" and with that she stalked off, never wanting to remember those moments with James Potter in the dark corridor on the 3rd floor.

Until now.

After Remus had left his apartment earlier James had been in a mental stupor. With every thought that transpired in his head, he felt himself sink deeper and deeper into some sort of catatonic state. The past week kept flashing through his mind, all the looks they had given eachother, the few happy moments that passed between the two lovers. His life before this phenomenon of newly discovered existence…and after…how being in full throttle love could change everything. All his views on society, on men, and women especially were no longer the same. They could never measure up to the intensity and vastness of character that was Lily Evans. They will never be her, no one will. But the one thought that he seems to keep pondering about is why didn't he feel this when he knew her in school? True, the fact of age was a larger determinant in their teenage years…but she's not a different person, she's still the Evans he teased and tormented. But maybe that's why he beleaguered her in school. It was as if he had a normal boy crush…the more you torture the girl, the more it's evident that you like her.

But no longer was it just some adolescent crush; it was something no one could touch. A supernatural force that went beyond the world of their magic, beyond enchantments, beyond intricate love potions…or sonaris….this was the real thing and he wasn't going to let it go to waist. How many times in one's life can you truly say that you have been in love? That you've experienced, and survived, the ultimate test of humanity.

Not many can. So with newfound determination, James shook himself of the silence and loss and prepared him self…for a lot of groveling. He grabbed his robe and scarf, bracing himself for the harsh cold of winter opened the door to his Dublin flat and readied himself for apparition. However the image that manifested itself in front of him was too heavenly to deny an audience.

He lingered for a few moments, for his test had arrived.

A/N: Well there's only one more chapter left folks! I think I'll be making a few changes to chapters before this, so if it says updates and you don't see any new chapters that's the reason why. I know how I want to end it it's just the getting there that will be my demise. I thought it was going to be this chapter, cuz it was hell…that's why it took so long! Well I hope you've enjoyed the story so far…and I hope you enjoy the ending!

Disclaimer: I own no characters, places, ideas, or plots created by Miss Rowling.


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